Groceries and tears

Today I was super close to bursting into tears at the grocery store check-out.  And then AGAIN at the Tim Horton’s drive through.  I’m feeling a tad emotional and I feel I need to back-track to yesterday, to bring you to my mind-set today.

I have noticed the trend these days, that Thursdays are the hardest for me.  The days I find myself asking the Lord for patience and joy continually, while feeling like I am failing miserably.   I think Thursdays are hard because it’s almost the end of the week.  Dave is drained, I am drained, and we really need the weekend but have another 2 to go.  Friday is OK because it’s Friday!! TGIF, ya know?  Thursday is just, maybe, PGBF?! Please God, Bring Friday?? Anyways, yesterday was just busy with lots to do, and nothing really going smoothly. Lots of whining, crying, pooping, kids falling, food spilling, dog peeing, Janna yelling sort of days...ya know, one of those days?  At 7:30, I put Janna in bed and just had a good cry.  Then, I stared at the laundry in front of me that needed folded for almost an hour.  Feeling like my arms and soul were too heavy to fold.  I eventually decided an early bed time was in order, and of course Janna sensed this, and we played a fun game until 11 of “Janna wails, Jesse cries, mommy goes in and settles everyone down.” I lost count of how many times this went on.   I think Dave pitched in a few. 

Some days are draining.  But I have peace despite the fatigue. And Joy despite the crying.  And that is no thanks to me, but to God, who has given me these 3 incredible gifts, and the grace to handle the daily challenges.  Anyhoo... throw in being up a few more times in the night, I just don’t really felt like I got much rest, and Friday mornings are always busy around here. 

Jesse goes to preschool Friday mornings.  It used to work out that I would get Jesse to school and then drive home just in time for Robyn’s nap. Janna and I would have some time at home together, and then we’d have to turn around and go pick him up.  However, Robyn is now sleeping 11 hour nights! And waking up usually for 6 am instead of 7.  So, she is READY for a nap by 8.  I haven’t dared stretch her an extra hour.  So, we’ve just been letting her sleep one hour, then getting Jesse to school a bit late.  Last week, I was able to do all my groceries in the 2 hours I had with the girls,  and this was awesome for me!  It’s much harder to do the groceries with all 3 kids, and I just haven’t been wanting to take time on the precious weekend to run around doing them.

So, this morning, I Put Robyn down at 8 again while we got Jesse and Janna and all the bags and snacks required for a morning out .  Well, I had the baby monitor on, and didn’t hear so much as a peep from her.  But, when I went in at 9, she was WIDE EYED and just playing with her blankets.  I wondered if she had slept at all?  It didn’t matter, I tossed her in the seat and off to Barrhaven we went!

Well, it became clear to me after dropping Jesse off, and at about the second grocery store I went to, that Robyn had NOT napped earlier that morning.  She was rubbing her eyes, and letting out sad wails, and acting all out of sorts.  I pushed through Sobeys, and when I got back in the van considered going back home to let her nap.  (This girl doesn’t sleep in the car or running errands or anything)  However, I had ONE hour before I had to pick up Jesse, and to drive home which takes 15 minutes, and then get her settled to sleep...well she would only have been able to sleep like 20 minutes before I’d have to pack her up and go pick up Jesse from school.  So, I decided to push through with my grocery shopping and hit up food basics.

I’m a really nerdy sale shopper.  I go to several different stores and plan my meals around the door crashers, etc.  About a month ago, my friend showed me the ropes of the couponing world, and so on top of this, I am now printing off coupons, and doing match-ups and all this fun stuff.  It takes me about 2 hours to plan, and then 2 hours to shop, but I’ve only been having to spend about 100 per week on groceries,  for what would cost about 200 if I paid regular prices.  SO, it’s worth it!  However, I have this new bad habit when I grocery shop now.  Whenever I am passing someone who is throwing something into their cart that I KNOW is like half the price somewhere else, I just want to rush up to them and holler      “DON’T BUY THAT BONELESS SKINLESS FRESH CHICKEN BREAST for 6.99 a pound!  It’s on at Sobeys for 2.99.”  Or... “DON’t DO IT!!!!  Did you know at Metro they have a tear pad of coupons for 50 cents off that pasta, AND it’s on sale for 99 cents? So, you could pay 49 cents for that box of pasta that is normally 2. 50!”   Oh man....  it stresses me out...  Because I realize how annoying it is, and would be to have someone say this to you at the store.  So I have to try really hard to pay attention to nobody but me!

Ok, so, that was a side note.  We got to food basics and as soon as I got into the store Robyn started to cry.  Like WAIL!  This little girl barely cries and so it broke my heart.  I was zipping around as fast as I could, and her face was blotchy and the tears streaming, and it was SO sad.  It was sort of like one of those “goat cries” of a newbown.  With the shakes and wheezing? But much louder.  It was so bad that it was getting me sympathetic looks from everyone  (As I was trying to avoid looking at these people because of pricing on the food they were putting in their carts! )  Finally, I got my stuff, and my heart sank to see line ups of like 5 or 6 people long at each cash.  I got in what line felt like the shortest and this sweet old woman in front of me gave me the most sympathetic nod and asked me if I wanted to go ahead of her.  I told her that was very kind, but she should go ahead..the lines were all long. Well, Robyn did NOT let up, I was considering taking her out of her seat and breastfeeding her right in the middle of that packed front store of a million lines even though I had no cover and not a good shirt either...but then this sweet old woman came around and took a peek at her, “Is she just fussy? Or hungry?” she asked me. I replied that she was just SUPER overtired and hadn’t napped that morning, and needed her bed  “Oh, well, dear! You need to go right ahead of me.”  So, I graciously accepted this time, and it wasn’t too long until my turn.  I had a super fast cashier!  Well, my total popped up on the screen, and I couldn’t find my debit card!!!  That is the only form of payment I had, and I couldn’t find it.  The baby is screaming, and EVERY SINGLE person in the store is sort of watching me it’s THAT loud and awful sounding.  And I’m looking in every pocket and flap and in Janna’s clothes, and it is NOWHERE!!! Ugh. I felt so stupid.  I must have left it in the van.  So, I asked the cashier if she could just suspend the transaction for like 2 minutes while I ran out to grab it from the van.  I thought she must have a function that allowed her to ring other people in and put mine on hold (we had this function back in the day when I was a cashier).  She said sure, and So I grabbed the heavy cart holding Janna and Robyn in her car seat and DASHED out of the store.  Ya know how I said I “felt” like EVERYONE was watching me?  Ya, I’m pretty sure they were, because twice on my way out, I had total strangers offer to wait with the girls in the store, “so you could get to your van faster?”  It’s not that I’m unfriendly or didn’t appreciate the thought, but NO WAY IN HECK am I leaving my 2 baby girls with strangers. “ Umm...thanks, but I’m good”  And I RAN pushing this cart through the parking lot, and back into the store.  Well, my big line of people were all just waiting for me! She hadn’t rung anyone else through, and they were all just standing there looking annoyed(except for the sweet old lady) who tried to make Robyn smile and helped push my cart through the crowds.  What a charmer.   I fought back the tears in my eyes and that lump in my throat as I waited for my debit to process.  I think all this emotion was partially due to embarrassment, and partially due to the kindness of this sweet old lady, and all on the heels of a week of crappy sleep.

I got back in the van and of course, Robyn stopped crying as soon as we got in.  But, I was too flustered to hit up my last few stores, and did NOT want to repeat a screeching baby in a long line.  And I still had 40 minutes until I could pick up Jesse.  Unsure if I had the makings for lunch, I thought I would go to McDonalds and buy happy meals for lunch.  This thought made me feel really happy, so, I drove to McDonalds, only to see they were closed for renovations.  No big deal, there sat a Tim Hortonsbeside it.  Ice cap and timbits!!!  I fully realized I was exercising what some call, “emotional eating,” but I rarely do this, and it would put in some time.  SO, we waited in the drive through line a while, and I pulled up to the window only to see a big sign that read, “NO DEBIT OR CREDIT. Machine not working”  I double checked with the woman before ordering, and she said it had been down, but I could try.  I agreed, and when my card read  “authorization failed” I bit my lip and felt the tears just welling.  I looked up and through a cracked voice I whispered something like, “ I guess the machine is not up yet.”  I think the woman noticed my seeming fragile state, and she said with some hesitation, “let’s try again.”  And sure enough, IT WORKED! Yay...it worked!  I firmly believe this was God smiling down on me and saying, “I love you. Have an ice-cap. You’ve had a busy morning. Enjoy it”

So, we picked up Jesse and made it home.  We had some bagels and strawberries for lunch, and then a book before nap time.  It was Robert Munchs I’ll Love you Forever, and sure enough I lost it crying almost everytime I had to sing that sweet little chorus.  Jesse and Janna kept looking at me like I had something weird on my face that stunk. LOL!  My kids think I’m crazy today. That’s ok.  It’s been kinda crazy today, and there is no place on earth, I’d rather be, than here. Thanks for reading. I’m out.