Why 30 will be good

I’m sitting here in the quiet, eagerly awaiting the return of Dave and the kids from New Brunswick.  I’m certain I have a few more hours, but can’t wait to see them!  We all traveled to Fredericton together the end of July for our annual Family Visit.  I don’t want to say the trip was a disaster, because it certainly wasn’t.  I have a few very fond memories and I hope I look happy in all the stunning landscape pics I hope to post tomorrow.  But we all got very sick a few days into our trip, and it me a long took a long time to recuperate.  While I would have liked to do more game playing, socializing and special things.... I mostly laid low and tried my best to act pleasantly while giving myself inner pep talks.  “Chrissy....don’t cry.... don’t throw up.... don’t go to bed it’s only 10 am.... try to smile....make some conversation...”  The combination of stomach flu, sore ribs following, heat and third trimester nausea was a bit much for me amidst all the traveling and events.  I think Dave and the kids had a pretty good time, and it was nice to catch up with family.  I hope it will be in the budget to go back next summer for a “redo” of sorts.

Prior to our trip, Dave told me for my 30^th birthday he wanted to give me a week to myself.  So, he had planned to send me home after our usual 2 week stay, and then stay an extra 5 days with the kids at his parents.  I was very happy to agree to such a wonderful gift, and I was happy everyone was healthy by the time I took off on Monday morning.  I was so proud of Dave, as the night before I left, he was researching all free and fun things for kids in Fredericton and put together a weekly plan to go here there and everywhere keeping them entertained and out of the house. 

I had a (both quick and long) car ride home with Katie and Dan who were travelling back after a week out East, and couldn’t wait to fall into a hot bath and bed when we arrived Monday around supper.  However, the house was a bit gross smelling and so I decided to do some “dog laundry” before passing out.  It was at this moment, our old and faithful  washing machine decided to die and the seal went on the bottom creating a flood in the basement and one panicked pregnant lady.  Thank the Good Lord for faithful friends who ran over with their wet vac and rescued me after I attempted to soak up the water with 20 towels and move the machine and ...it was just too much!  After getting all that sorted out a few hours later, I went to toss something in the garbage only to discover compost left under the kitchen sink and a host of maggots and fruit flies galore.  I spent some time ridding myself of that mess, and then just decided to wash the floors and dust while I was at it.  So, I spent the next several hours cleaning and crying.   Happy stay-cation to me!

I’d just finished reading a natural labor book the day before ( why I want to do this naturally again, is sort of beyond me) but it talked a lot about how common it is for pregnant women to  feel like crying for no apparent reason in the last few weeks or months leading to delivery.  And how important and good it is to LET IT OUT and go with it, instead of repressing it all.  So, I tried to heed said advice as I am naturally a holder-inner, and spent MOST of the next day crying on and off as well, and then felt a whole lot better!

So, what have I been doing with my 5 days of freedom you may ask?  Well, I really have done more sitting and sleeping and reading and listening to music than I have done in 5 years.  But, I would go craaaazy doing that all day.  So, I have done productive things I enjoy like: catching up on baby books, made a pile of freezer meals, organized the kids toys, researched washing machines, put together a fall daycare schedule, chores lists for the kids, and caught up with several girl friends.  It’s amazing how much you can actually TALK with just a few kids around instead of 5 or 6! 

I have also had a lot of uninterrupted   thinking time to review the year and anticipate the year ahead.  I consider my year starting in September and ending in August because of Dave’s work... and that’s just always the way I have done it.   Anyways... I have come to the conclusion that year 29 was challenging and long in several ways.  Adjusting to the daycare venture was a HUGE life adjustment.  Homeschooling  Jesse was rewarding but took adjusting to as well.  A miserable Pregnancy was the primary culprit in most of my distaste for the year, a long winter didn’t help, and then a spring and summer taken over by the job of moving and adjusting to a new house was also pretty major.  I am thankful for friends and family who helped in both big and small ways through this year, but I am ready to LEAVE IT, and jump into 30.

I am looking forward to a lot of things this year.    Baby Four is definitely at the top of the list.   I can’t wait to MEET THIS LITTLE ONE!!!!  I know I have to birth the child, and then heal, and deal with less sleep.  But I will take all of that over the grey dulling of my inner core that seems to hit hard when I am pregnant.  My biggest issue is not all the discomfort from carrying the babe, or the extra stretch marks or veins, or the barf and back pain and fatigue.  These things certainly all contribute, but mostly, I feel like my husband and kids get robbed of a good mom and wife for the year.  I really do feel like a 50% version of myself for 9 months.   Every time I have delivered my babies, I feel like a new person just a few days after.  It’s like a fog has been lifted and my spirit has been lightened, and I always say to myself, “This is what I’m like!”    I’m really excited to find out the gender of this little one as well.  I think it will make the laboring process a bit more motivating with that suspense at the end.    The baby is due October 2, and I feel like September will be a challenge to handle all the business while being so big and uncomfortable, but once he or she is here, I hope it will be much easier and enjoyable.

Another excitement is that I am looking forward to Jesse and Janna’s homeschooling curriculum.  Jesse starts in with Math and Handwriting and Science experiments this year on top of his core requirements, and I am pumped to tackle this with him.  Janna will also get a 30 minute school time with me later in the day that will involve reading some great literature with a short discussion after, introduction to letter sounds and formation, and a fun activity each day.  I just told her over vacation that she would be starting homeschool with mommy and she was SO PROUD telling everyone, but especially telling Jesse.

I am looking forward to a less strenuous daycare schedule.  I just have 2 part time boys this year who I really enjoy.  I am only working M/W/F’s starting in September and I find it pretty enjoyable that way with a down day in between.

I am looking forward to Dave going back to work and terrified at the same time.  My work load is about to triple- for real- and I’m mostly nervous about how to handle it with this big belly making many things difficult.   It’s been super to have him around for the summer, but he’s a great teacher and worker and I know he feels his calling in the classroom not with a bunch of toddlers day in and out.   We are going to try and arrange for an EVERY WEEK date night this year, and I am really excited about this.  We tried for every other Friday last year, but it was hard to find babysitting OR feel like doing anything at the end of the work week.  WE are aiming for a mid week Wednesday date night together, and this should be SUPER if we can make it happen every week.  If anyone out there wants to offer free services once a month on Wednesday nights, we are open- okay? The kids would be in bed.  We can pay you with popcorn and cable?

With all these exciting things in the horizon, I do get the odd panic attack.  A newborn baby, 4 other kids, homeschooling ,  a husband to love,  friends to invest in, a BIG house to clean now, groceries to buy, snacks- meals- snacks- meals, diapers-poop-diapers-poop.   But, I am mostly thankful that I am able to stay home with my kids at this age and stage even though it may be crazy.  It’s so important to me.   I am super thankful for Dave who is an absolute super star dad and supportive husband, too.  It makes this crazy journey doable and wonderful.

Well, that rant put in another hour of my day.  I hope I can stay awake for the arrival of the masses.  Who knows WHEN I will blog next.  On Wednesday we all start ”back to work,”  and I have a bunch of full time kids the weeks leading up to school, so it could get wild.

Thanks for reading. I’m out!