My Day. Mood Hair. or Hair Moods?

I had plans to do a blog tonight with Asher’s birth story.  Wee Ash has been starting to hit an earlier bedtime all on his own this week, and it’s left me with a few minutes to myself most evenings thus far.  It’s a strange feeling, but a good one.   Of course, the night I actually planned to write a blog, is the night he is up a bit later, and I feel kinda crappy.  I don’t want to post about the birth of my beautiful fourth babe in a negative light, so again, I will save it for a happier day.

Today was a long day.  Dave is pulling a 14 hour day at the school with a year end banquet he has to MC and do a bunch of stuff at.   There is something about 5:00.  I hit this wall.  I feel like I can handle things pretty well during the day, but I eagerly await Dave’s return home from work.   He brings a joyful energy into the house (most days-lol) and I tend to just defer all child arguments and questions and family decisions over to him at that point of the day.  It’s nice to just kind of let go of the reins I have been frantically trying to hold onto all day, and let him be the leader for a while, and just enjoy the fam.  

Anyways, today was a full day flying solo.  Robyn was being a bit of a bully to Janna.  Jesse was endless with his questions and requests, Janna was a bit extra pouty, and the baby a bit extra cryish. ( I like to make up words.  It’s genetic.  My mom has the same problem, except that she believes hers are real) I had lots of housework to do, lots of homeschooling to get in before the break, and the girls needed constant mediating.  Often I let them try and work it out, but it was a bit scary today as Robyn hasn’t napped in a few days, which leads her to this place of angry rage, where I sometimes DO THINK she might just smoke Janna across the face and push her down the stairs.  I got bit by the overtired Robyn yesterday, and it was only after making her put some pants on.    I am also trying to teach Janna to stand up for herself a bit more, so that is all a very stressful scenario among a crying baby and a 5 year old boy asking something every 6 seconds, “ can I bake? Can I color? Can I go plant a fruit seed? Can I get married? Can I .. Can I...”  He is such an eager learning sponge that I do not wish to squelch- only fill, but it can feel a tad overwhelming by times.

I knew I’d be battling the urge to freak out or scowl or mope or whatever, and while I put up a good fight, I feel like I failed today.  Like, I raised my voice a few too many times, like I showed my annoyance at Janna’s wimp-strength, like I disregarded some of Jesse’s questions, etc.  Ugh.  I felt angry by 6, and just put everyone to bed early.  After a good email rant to Dave, and a hot bath with a lovely mango sugar scrub (thank- you Katie S), I am feeling more even keeled.  I snuck into the sleeping kids rooms and gave them a kiss and told them I was sorry and would not be such a  grouch tomorrow.   I am so thankful God made DAY and NIGHT.  I am so thankful for this divide of rest and rejuvenation.  I am thankful for Grace. 

So, while I was soaking in the tub, I had this strange realization, and this is really what I want to blog about.  It’s kinda dumb.  But, I realized that I am FRANTIC lately to have my hair done a certain way.  Like, not that it needs to be nice, I refuse to spend more than 2 minutes on my hair.  But, I just get panicked all of a sudden with this urging overwhelming NEED to have it a certain way.  If you could hear in my brain it would sound like  “ BUN! SLICK BUN!  I NEED A SLICK BUN!  I NEED A SLICK BUN NOW!!!”  or “ BRAIDS. I NEED BRAIDS.  I NEED DOUBLE BRAIDS NOW!”  And then I really do drop whatever I am doing to attack the hairstyle I need.  AND LORD HELP ME, if I can’t find an elastic.  FOR REAL.   I have been this way for a few months now, and I always just thought that since my hair is getting longer it’s a bit more in the way, a bit more weighty, and I want it out of my face.  But, I have these feelings with wanting my hair down as well.  So, today, it hit me in the bath, that my mood totally affects how I want my hair.  So, here I sit and blog about my hair moods.  I know, deep, eh?

DETERMINED MAMA=SLICK TOP OF THE HEAD BUN

When I am feeling like I have a lot of work to do or wake up feeling super rested and like I want to tackle a bunch of extra chores or tasks, my go-to is the slicked back top of the head bun.  It’s like, POWER HAIR!  It’s out of your face, it no fuss, it is tall and I’m sure intimidating whatever task lies ahead.

RELAXED MAMA= DOUBLE BRAIDS

When I have had a good sleep, or am just having a great day with the kids with minimal work to do, I want the double braids.  They keep the hair maneagable, but look decent and as I am feeling, RELAXED!

STRESSED MAMA= MESSY BUN

Just get the freakin’ hair out of my face! I don’t care what it looks like, just get it back there!

DEPRESSED MAMA= Low pony. 

I’m just so tired, I can’t lift my arms too high to do this hair... I’m also losing hope on what I look like.... When can I go to bed???

HOPEFUL MAMA= Hair Down

Surely I won’t get any gross body fluids in my hair today (that is always wrong by the way)  Maybe I’ll get 7 minutes to talk to Dave interrupted and I’ll flick my hair a bit flirty like.

Does anyone else have mood-dos? I would love to hear about them. Anyways, 9:00 has arrived and so I must be signing off of this rather scattered blog.  I just realized my hair is half-pulled back, then is joined to a braid down the side.  It’s kind of scattered.  I don’t do this one too often.  I think it must be my scattered mama-do.  Off for some sleeeeeeep.  Thanks for reading! I’m out. 

Baby: Check! Wedding: Check! And Robyn Turns two!

It’s been a couple months since my last post.  The safe arrival of sweet little Asher, has really thrown things into a bit of a spin, but I’m into more of a groove now, and have a few minutes tonight.  I have full intentions of cranking out a blog with my labor story.  I just need to give it a bit more time.  It was a super hard and painful labor in many ways, and my brain needs to forget a bit of it, or I fear I will color the day of his birth horribly!  In fact, I have sat down a few times to blog about it, and the titles have been things like:

Why you should NEVER have kids- consider adoption!

When your 4^th baby and your cervix don’t cooperate...

Humiliation and Hosptials...

Asher: FOURTH AND FINAL!

I HATE PREGNANCY AND LABOR....don’t do it!

Anyways, the important thing is that he arrived safely and is healthy.  I feel like in another few months or so, once I’m averaging a bit more than 5 hours of sleep per night, I will be able to present the facts truthfully, but a bit brighter.   Also, I owe a poem to a beautiful lady, named Natasha, who guessed the correct date of Asher’s arrival.  I haven’t forgotten, and that will be included as well J

So, Asher is here, and we all just LOVE HIM!!!  He is a very chill, patient, and sweet little fellow.  The kids can’t get close enough to him, and I pray for his safety every day.  Robyn hit a bit of an angry rage for the week, or so, following his birth, but it was directed at me, not Asher.  She thinks he’s the best.  The nice thing about having kids under 2 years apart, is that it only takes them a couple of weeks to forget the way things were before.  A few weeks later, she acts as if he’s always been here.

I had 3 weeks off from taking extra kids after Asher’s birth.  While Dave only had a few days off, I had so many offers of help.  Friends stayed over, people popped by to watch the olders so I could grab a nap or focus on Jesse’s homeschooling, my mom-in-law came and tackled laundry for a week, and we’ve had several meals dropped off.   WE even had old friends visiting Ottawa with their 4 kids under 5, take three of ours for fun mornings out one week so I could get some rest.   SLEEP is a huge gift right now, so people coming by to watch the kids has been amazing.  Also, food has been really helpful as making and cleaning up from supper is a pretty big dent in the day.  My doctor always asks about my support network after each baby knowing we don’t have much family in the area, and I always feel so thankful for the church and friends, who make these wild transitions much smoother. 

    Even though I’ve done this “new baby” thing a bunch of times, it still feels like a weighty transition each time.  Not nearly as big as the FIRST, but unique and with it’s own set of challenges.    Right now, with daycare back on the go, and a wild 2 year old, and homeschooling, I have a whole new set of waters to navigate.   The big challenges have been getting in enough uninterrupted schooling time with Jesse, and simply finding the time to latch the baby, feed, and get him back to sleep.  He often gets fed as I’m walking around, and sleeps in the sling.  I’m looking forward to when he settles into a schedule around the 3 or 4 month mark, and so I can plan our day around him a bit better.

There are definite advantages though, in him being number 4.  The learning curve is much milder.  For example, I have learned over the course of babies how to get a fussing overtired baby into a coma with a quick bath and massage. NO FAIL, everytime.  I have learned that at 6 weeks, babies have a fussy peak because their mucus makers kick in, resulting in a stuffy snotting nose.  Mostly, though,  they are not able to produce their own melatonin yet (as they are still going on what they have absorbed from momma’s placenta)  Melatonin is not just responsible for sleep, but has a relaxing effect on the gut... so around 6 weeks as mom’s melatonin wears off, and they are just beginning to produce their own, babies struggle to fall and stay asleep.   They are gassier and  have worse tummy pains.   I KNEW this was coming, and sure enough, the day before Asher turned 6 weeks, his nose started snotting, and he has given me a run for my money this week fussing, pooping, and getting him to bed at night.

But, having done it all before, I know what it’s about, and I can RELAX knowing it will pass.  Cause I’ve seen it 3 times before, and seen it pass.  That is the biggest thing I’m finding with this baby, is that I really grasp how fleeting it all is, and so I’m less stressed in the moment, and able to go with the flow better.   So, as mentioned, this week has been a bit challenging with Asher’s gas pains and struggles to get to bed for the night.   While some mom’s prefer the portability of this age and stage, I look forward to Asher getting into a routine.  Especially one that includes a regular and earlier bedtime.  I usually feel pretty done by 7:00 after a day filled with piles of kids, play, chores, schooling, and cleaning.  Dave has to hit the books and marking in the evenings, and so bobbing the baby around for a few MORE hours feels quite exhausting as I’m at the end of my rope, and have no idea what the night may hold. 

So, ya!  Asher came and things have been good and tiring, and a bit wild.  The other big thing that has kept us all bopping is Katie’s wedding!  Dave’s sister was engaged this summer and both Dave and I were honored  to be asked to be in the bridal party.  Jesse and Janna were also asked to fill the very important role of flower girl and  “ring bear” as Jesse called it.  It was a short engagement, and I felt panicked to learn they would be married at the start of November.  Not that a fantastic celebration couldn’t be pulled off in just 3 months.  But, apprehensive about when the baby would come and how it would affect trying to be available to Katie for a full day,  on top of organizing the rest of the family the day of the event.

Well, we had our hands full, to say the least.  Not only did we have to organize all the kids, breastfeed a baby on and off all day, walk down the aisle, give speeches, and rock a dance floor.  But, our home became the HUB of activity for guests coming and going for the weekend.  We ended up being the place for  flower drop off, bridal party preparations and pictures, a few meals,  and we even ended up being the driver for the bride and bridesmaids with all their stuff from place to place.  This meant  a pile of cleaning of house and van, and trying to keep it tidy amidst the wee ones.  We were SO THANKFUL for the wonderful Tamara and Sarah Guindon team, who helped clean the house from top to bottom, and hang out the day of the wedding transporting and watching kids, and being a second and third pair of arms. Seriously, we couldn’t have done it without these two!

   

The day went pretty smoothly.  I had a minute by minute schedule posted for our family,  starting at  6:30AM, and came to close around midnight.  This included what needed to get done, who had to go where, bringing what,  and what car seats to transport where over the course of the day.  Oh car seats!  They needed to be moved from vehicle to vehicle all day.  Thankfully no children were lost during the course of the day.  I call that a success in itself.   We did end up forgetting Katie’s backpack and Dave’s guitar and case at the church, but those were rescued.  What did get LOST for good, though, was my poor 5 year old baby bag- that has journeyed far and wide with me with all the kids.  I left it tucked into the coat rack at the reception, but the hotel couldn’t find it when I inquired the next day.  Luckily it didn’t have my cell, wallet, or the kids health cards as it usually does.  I had those in a different bag.  But, some brand new soothers and bottles, outfits, diapers, blankets,  and wipes took the hit.  I hope somebody stole it who really needed it!  LOL.

The kids did great with their jobs during the ceremony, and trying to suck up the cold weather for outdoor pictures.   The one hour that was planned for outdoor bridal party pictures from 2:15-3:15, was OF COURSE, the one hour the sky decided to whip down a wet heavy snow.  And it was the first day in Ottawa that the temps have been below zero in the afternoon.   Poor trooper Katie was frozen by the end of it, as she and Dan had much longer pictures to do.  However, they will be REALLY gorgeous shots, I know!  I can’t wait to see them.  The overcast sky, and snow will make for a great backdrop.   Asher and Robyn behaved VERY well for the babysitters before hand, during the ceremony and for family pictures afterwards, and the 3 older kids happily konked out back home afterwards with a babysitter.  Asher came with us to the reception and dance, and also passed out in the sling.  I was so happy he only needed to feed once, slept through my speech, and EVEN slept through some blaring music and movement, so I could get some fun time on the dance floor.

So, things went down well!  Katie and Dan were gorgeous, and threw one STUNNING and FUN wedding for such a short time period to plan.  I keep thinking about their wedding buffet.... It was SO yummy.  They were very relaxed and so joyful.  I felt so happy for them all day and night, and teared up watching their first dance together.   It was also wonderful to make some memories with extended family we don’t see often, like Dave’s grandparents who travelled in from Nova Scotia, and Aunt and Uncle and Cousin who came up from Maine.   We had a brunch here the next morning after all the excitement, and it was so great to catch up and relax together. 

So, baby and then wedding has  really been the farthest thing in the horizon for me.  I feel like a huge load is off this week, and have been enjoying the kids more with far less “TO DO’s” on the daily list.  The last wee event that happens tomorrow is Robyn’s birthday celebration.  We are just having a small family thing with pizza and cake, and will put up some streamers.  Her real birthday is today, but Dave has parent teacher interviews all afternoon and late into the evening, so we will celebrate tomorrow.

So, Robyn is 2 today!  I can’t even believe it.  She was by far my easiest and calmest little baby, but has turned into the most challenging, outgoing, and hammiest 2 year old.  We love her to pieces!  Last night Asher was up from 2-4:30 nursing, almost falling asleep, then pooping (repeat 6 times) and so I made a little list of what I can say about Robyn at 2 years old.  I like having an Iphone for these long middle of the night stretches.   I usually don’t pull out my phone right away.  I will enjoy the nursing, snuggles, and rocking, and take some time to pray during it for the first 30 minutes or so.  But, if it’s gonna be a long haul, I enjoy having a little hand held device that allows to me make some notes, send an email, check in with friends and family on social media, read a book, whatever!   So, here are some thoughts I jotted down at 2 am....

Robyn at 2 is a little charmer.  She beams at people with a mischievous smile with her chin tucked in and eyes fluttering.  She is quick to bring anyone a book and climb onto their lap.  She is friendly, and likes new people (the longer their hair the better)   She gets scolded often, and tries to get out of it with the cutest smile and snuggle she can muster.   She is quick to giggle and laugh, give a hug and kiss.

She is into everything.  She is artistic and loves to paint, color, do stickers, play in glue, etc.  She doesn’t mind getting dirty, and loved the pumpkin guts(unlike our other kids).   She has gotten into her diaper and played with her poop probably 20 times in the past month.  We have finally found a strategy that seems to have halted this:  a onesie zip up sleeper with a snap put on backwards.   She enjoys scooping water out of the toilet to feed her dolls and often finishes off what they can’t.   Another favorite snack of Robyn’s is toothpaste.  She loves to sneak into the bathroom, scale up the little knobs on the tall counter to get into the toothpaste and eat as much of it as she can, before she is found out.

She is a bit rough and tumble.  She likes to scale and climb things, and has no fear. She loves to wrestle with her daddy, and very rarely cries over a bonk or smoosh.  She also likes to wrestle with her siblings, much to Jesse’s JOY, and Janna’s dismay.   She also likes to cuddle.  We love getting her up in the morning as she is always full of smiles and hugs.  Again, Jesse seems to love this, and they are often found cuddling together during their daily show time.  Janna, on the other hand can often be heard shouting, “ NO RAW-MIN!!”  And I will find Robyn trying to sit on Janna’s head, lying on top of her hugging with all her might, or perhaps stealing her blanket to get cozy with her.  Doesn’t usually phase Robyn.  She often thrives off stirring the pot and making things lively.  It can be a struggle to get her to take you seriously.

She is also a bit girly at the same time.  She likes to wear shoes, and frilly layers, put bows in her hair, and take care of her dollies and pretend cook in the kitchen.  You will often find her at playtime tucking in her babies, or feeding them in a high chair, or making pretend food in her play kitchen.  She almost always carries around her stuffed bear and a little board book with her.  In fact, some days it goes with her EVERYWHERE for every second of the day.

She can focus really well at independent play for being so young, and uses her imagination well.  She is able to sit and read books with a grown up- or look at pictures on her own for a long time.  She loves music, and tries her best to sing new songs.  She sings up a storm at her naptime as she falls asleep, and usually wakes up singing.  Her favorite song is still twinkle twinkle little star, but also enjoys when I sing in French to her.  She is the first to hit the dance floor when we put on music, and can keep a beat and shake it pretty well.  

She is strong willed and stubborn.  We are working hard at showing her who is the boss without crushing her spirit.  We remind ourselves of how good this will be in the future, and I often think of who she will BECOME because of this, and try not to focus on how it presents itself in her 2 year old self.  Read: tantrums, screaming, grabbing, and pushing.  She has a rage that POPS out so quickly, but quickly simmers back down with a little tickle or pep talk.

She isn’t as much of a talker as Jesse is, but not as quiet as Janna.  She talks and sings to herself for large parts if the day.  She can say tons of things, and often speaks in sentences these days, but pronounces the ends of words and mumbles mostly, so is hard to understand.  This morning she came to me, “ Oh Ike It en  Esse Itting”   That would be translated,” I don’t like it when Jesse’s hitting.”  She loves baby Asher, and makes sure he gets at least 20 hugs and kisses per day.  She also likes to give (throw) books and toys to him to cheer him up if he is fussing. 

She is a just a super fun girl.  She loves to be part of the action, and play play play.  She likes the outdoors, and taking trips with Daddy.  She gives the best greetings when Dave gets home from work.  You’ll hear, “ DADDY DADDY DADDY DADDY” at the top of her lungs and the fastest little pitter patter of feet as she runs to hug him an giggle.  She is just so full of life and love!  So, Happy Birthday little Missy.  We love you. 

That's about the end of this massive update.  Asher is needing a “milk snack” as Janna calls it!  And then we should carry on with our day.  Thanks for reading.  I’m out!

Some theories on what feels like a never ending early labor.....

Well, here I sit another week later without a new baby.  Twelve days until my official due date.  It feels so far away with my body feeling like it’s ready to go.  I had an OB appointment on Wednesday and was happy to hear of the progress of things after an assessment.  Baby super low, cervix softening, 2-3 cms dilated, and measuring almost 40 weeks for size.   It would seem that my body is prepared and ready....but perhaps the baby is not. 

Actually, I have been working on a theory that there must be 3 factors in line for labor to begin.  My body must be ready, my baby must be ready, and I must be ready.  I feel like last week, my body and baby were ready to go, but I wasn’t super prepared or ready, and that threw things right off.   Currently,   I feel like my body is good to go!  But, I feel like the baby and I are at odds with the timing of this.   You see, for the past few nights, I have been trying several random natural induction things.  The problem is, that these are all much easier to do consistently when the kids go down for the night.   It’s hard to escape the kids to pump on and off for good chunks of the day.  I feel nervous about going for a long hard walk with all of them in the event I did bust.... SO, I have been experimenting in the evenings, but then realizing I am totally exhausted and have NO DESIRE to go into labor through the night again!

Janna and Robyn were both “through the night” labors, and it was just so depressing and exhausting compared to Jesse.  With Jesse, we woke up fresh and rested and were checked into a sunny hospital room by 11 am, and along came he at 4pm.  It was so much nicer and easier than arriving at the hospital when it’s dark and quiet and everyone on their shifts seems exhausted, and YOU have this tremendous amount of work to do on no sleep.    I really want a daytime labor this time around.  Pretty please.... 

So, in the evenings as I have some time to try and get the contractions rolling (Which doesn’t take too much in the evenings),  I literally have been STOPPING mid tracks and jumping into bed to get some rest.   Last night, I put in about 30 minutes on an exercise ball, and felt some crazy “motion in my ocean” in the words of a friend.   I then realized it was 9:00, and I was pooped from the day, and I really didn’t WANT to spend the next several hours walking or bouncing.  And so, I just abruptly put it away and went to bed.  I always hope that I’ll wake up early in the morning and things will kick-start, but I think my baby is more of a night owl, and wants to appear then!

This little bean has a party every night from about 10-midnight.  I really feel like he/she is trying to flip over breach every night, and I spend the first couple of hours of the night taking deep breaths with the discomfort of crazy movements and some contractions that hit with all the movement.   I finally fall asleep, and then have been waking up magically at 4 am each morning feeling queasy and hungry, and anxious....  and unable to fall back asleep.  Once the day officially starts with the kids, I am just so wiped, that I have no desire or energy to head out for that walk or try and get things rolling.  And when I do have the urge and time, contractions are just not starting up during the day time so much!

Perhaps I just need a good sleep and a weekend where Dave can watch the kids, and I can focus on encouraging this baby to agree that the day time is totally ok.  OR.... Maybe I need to just cave and go with a night time labor??

All of this, obviously, seems a bit much.  The last few weeks of pregnancy really does make you crazy!  Truly.

I do have a much more sane and obvious answer to all my bodily action and no baby.  And the answer is my toe nail polish color has NOT been right.  You see, I have been sporting  a bright yellow nail polish color for almost a month now.  Not knowing the gender, I thought yellow seemed like an appropriate color to sport.  However, with Jesse, it was blue, and the girls got pink.  Perhaps this baby is NOT satisfied with such a gender neutral welcoming color!      So, today, with MUCH effort, I switched to a nice soft and shimmery purple.  Perhaps this will work if it’s a girl in there!    If I still have no baby in a week, I’ll switch to a blue or green I think.

I am slowly going crazy.......

Well, I am off to catch the end of the kids naps.  A friend swung by this morning to watch the kids and     sent me for a bath and nap and to relax for a couple of hours.  True friendship I tell you, those who come over and send you to bed when you REALLY need it!  Actually, I have had a few reprieves like that this week, and it’s been AMAZINGLY helpful with my 4 hours of sleep most nights, and preserving my sanity with the kids.  Who, really, are great kids...but busy and talkative, and just don’t understand that climbing on my stomach REALLY hurts at this point, and every spill they make and squat I have to take feels mildly torturous.   And asking me a hundred times each day if the baby can come today, doesn’t REALLY help move anything along.   SO, I have REALLY appreciated all the END- OF- PREGNANCY- FEEL- LIKE- I- COULD- BLOW –ANY- SECOND help.

With that, I am off to catch a few more zzzz’s.....Thanks for reading! I’m out. 

Baby 4 is keeping me on my toes!

Well, it’s been one heck of a past 48 hours, and I think I just experienced my first false labor ordeal.

In my past 3 labors, I felt pretty confident and sure of myself.  Sure I had lots of Braxton hicks, and the odd question of, “could I be in labor” a few times the week before each child arrived, but nothing where I went into the hospital or called for back- up, or packed a hospital bag unnecessarily.  In fact, they were all pretty normal early labors, “ text book” I’d say.   My contractions would start as mild and gradual, and then become closer and more intense, and then they’d hit the point I just knew that I’d need to head into the hospital.  I’ve told friends expecting their first child, “Oh- you’ll just KNOW!”

Well, on Tuesday I didn’t feel the greatest.  A bit under the weather and tired.  By supper I was having cramps and contractions fairly close together, and I thought,” THIS IS IT!”  They felt like real contractions with back pain and cramping and close and consistent.    But, then they’d slow a bit, then pick up again.  I knew that the inconsistency of them probably meant it wasn’t the real deal, but it sure felt REAL!  I was exhausted by ten pm with the uncertainty and strain, and noticed they were slowing down a good amount when laying down, so I just decided to try and fall asleep and see what the night and early morning might bring.

I slept great until 5 am, then woke up just wide awake with more dull pain and cramps and feeling VERY off and awful.  However, I didn’t have any contractions.  So, after considering everything decided to take on the daycare kids, send Dave to work, and see what the day would bring.  By 8 AM, I regretted my decision, as I was having contractions 2-3 minutes apart, long and painful.  I put all the kids in front of the TV, and moaned away trying to time them and decide my plan of action.  After about 30 minutes of this,   I decided to call the hospital and see what they thought I should do.

After talking to a nurse on the phone, she advised I come into the hospital to be assessed.  She said not to rush, but to get child care arranged and leave within an hourish. SO, I called Dave home from school.   He got home in  10 minutes flat, and pumped out some lesson plans for his supply while I called parents to pick up kids, and arranged childcare for my own, and  finished up packing my bag.   This with many pauses on the staircase or floor to breathe through a contraction, etc.   By the time everything was lined up a bit over an hour later, my contractions were spacing out to about 5 minutes apart and were less intense.  We headed into the hospital, and got checked into an assessment room pretty quickly. 

Sure enough, the monitors registered contractions 5 minutes apart, but they got less and less intense over the 2 hours I was there.   I expressed my pure uncertainty as to whether this was true or false labor to the nurses.  I would swear I was in labor one minute because of the pain and intensity, and then have nothing for a while.  I have never been early, and that was also a big question mark.   I had a great seasoned nurse, who assured me that 4^th babies were always “tricky” in their timing and very rarely seemed to follow textbook patterns.  It was both reassuring and scary to hear.  Finally, they checked my dilation, and although a few cms (which is normal for somebody who has had a few kids) they thought I was a bit too high and hard, and that my cervix was not currently, “laboring.”  They sent me home and said to relax, have a bath, go for a stroll.  Perhaps it would pass, or progress.

Oh man! I felt so devastated.  It was so much stress and work making all those plans to get the kids and Dave’s classes covered,  and then to be sent home!  I felt bad for all the people who just reorganized their life for me.   I cried on and off the whole van ride home, all the while experiencing random painful contractions here and there, and still feeling like I was in labor!    I arrived home to confused kids, and some friends who were hanging out with them.  They offered to stay the night and next day or 2 in the event I was just in super early labor, and also just to ease my load and help out.  The workload of my life feels a bit unmanageable at this point, and the stress of wondering if I was in labor, made me readily accept.  

After a relaxing afternoon rest and bath,  I got up and had a cup of tea, and by 4pm, was certain I was in labor.  I was having contractions 2-3 minutes apart that I had to breathe and sway through, and bolt to the bathroom for, thinking the pressure might bust my water!  This went on for a little over an hour, and I was feeling so thankful the kids were in good hands, and that Dave was available.....and then it just STOPPED!  Totally stopped.  For an hour. Nothing!  I had a few more hours of milder ones 5-10 minutes apart, but by 9 felt totally exhausted from the day, and went to bed to see if I could sleep.   

It was the strangest sleep last night!  I slept hard and well, except for every hour or 2, I would have the most intense contraction from nowhere.  It wake me up out of the blue and would make me JUMP out of bed, and lean forward and grasp onto the corners of the bed and holding in my breathing and moaning as best I could from the snoring Dave.  They would last a minute, and then I’d just get my feet under me and brace myself for another one....and there would be NOTHING!  Not even a Braxton hick! 

So, this morning the same pattern has followed.   I woke up feeling heavy and having some back pain and dull sort of aches.  But all that has happened is every few hours out of nowhere a contraction hits like a log, and then nothing follows.  I did meals and homeschooling  with the kids today, and the lovely Sarah Guindon has been hanging out with them otherwise.  I had a great afternoon nap, and since then haven’t had BOO!  Nilch.  Nada! Zero. 

So, I feel entirely confused and somewhat frustrated, and I think it may have been a false alarm?  Or, maybe I am going to have a very long drawn out early labor for a few days?  I am VERY thankful to have Sarah staying with us until tomorrow, and so my mind is much more at ease currently as I write this. 

Although, I must say I feel terrified my body just did a lot of prep- work for the real deal, and when labor does come, it will be fast and furious, but I won’t believe it’s real, and then I’ll have a baby in the van!   I’m feeling uncertain if I should be in “labor go” mode....or just forget about the past 48 hours, and pretend nothing will happen until my due date!  I have friends all signed up for different shifts the 2 weeks surrounding my actual due date who are able to come quickly to relieve me....but should I try and put plans in place in the meantime?  Oh, I just don’t know.  Taking it one day at a time is hard.

Taking things one day at a time is hard when you are super pregnant.  Really hard.  Trying to keep my chin up.   Thanks for reading, and weigh in on your guess for my due date on my facebook page.  Date and Time!  That will be fun to see.  I’m out!

So, that is where I am at! 

Why 30 will be good

I’m sitting here in the quiet, eagerly awaiting the return of Dave and the kids from New Brunswick.  I’m certain I have a few more hours, but can’t wait to see them!  We all traveled to Fredericton together the end of July for our annual Family Visit.  I don’t want to say the trip was a disaster, because it certainly wasn’t.  I have a few very fond memories and I hope I look happy in all the stunning landscape pics I hope to post tomorrow.  But we all got very sick a few days into our trip, and it me a long took a long time to recuperate.  While I would have liked to do more game playing, socializing and special things.... I mostly laid low and tried my best to act pleasantly while giving myself inner pep talks.  “Chrissy....don’t cry.... don’t throw up.... don’t go to bed it’s only 10 am.... try to smile....make some conversation...”  The combination of stomach flu, sore ribs following, heat and third trimester nausea was a bit much for me amidst all the traveling and events.  I think Dave and the kids had a pretty good time, and it was nice to catch up with family.  I hope it will be in the budget to go back next summer for a “redo” of sorts.

Prior to our trip, Dave told me for my 30^th birthday he wanted to give me a week to myself.  So, he had planned to send me home after our usual 2 week stay, and then stay an extra 5 days with the kids at his parents.  I was very happy to agree to such a wonderful gift, and I was happy everyone was healthy by the time I took off on Monday morning.  I was so proud of Dave, as the night before I left, he was researching all free and fun things for kids in Fredericton and put together a weekly plan to go here there and everywhere keeping them entertained and out of the house. 

I had a (both quick and long) car ride home with Katie and Dan who were travelling back after a week out East, and couldn’t wait to fall into a hot bath and bed when we arrived Monday around supper.  However, the house was a bit gross smelling and so I decided to do some “dog laundry” before passing out.  It was at this moment, our old and faithful  washing machine decided to die and the seal went on the bottom creating a flood in the basement and one panicked pregnant lady.  Thank the Good Lord for faithful friends who ran over with their wet vac and rescued me after I attempted to soak up the water with 20 towels and move the machine and ...it was just too much!  After getting all that sorted out a few hours later, I went to toss something in the garbage only to discover compost left under the kitchen sink and a host of maggots and fruit flies galore.  I spent some time ridding myself of that mess, and then just decided to wash the floors and dust while I was at it.  So, I spent the next several hours cleaning and crying.   Happy stay-cation to me!

I’d just finished reading a natural labor book the day before ( why I want to do this naturally again, is sort of beyond me) but it talked a lot about how common it is for pregnant women to  feel like crying for no apparent reason in the last few weeks or months leading to delivery.  And how important and good it is to LET IT OUT and go with it, instead of repressing it all.  So, I tried to heed said advice as I am naturally a holder-inner, and spent MOST of the next day crying on and off as well, and then felt a whole lot better!

So, what have I been doing with my 5 days of freedom you may ask?  Well, I really have done more sitting and sleeping and reading and listening to music than I have done in 5 years.  But, I would go craaaazy doing that all day.  So, I have done productive things I enjoy like: catching up on baby books, made a pile of freezer meals, organized the kids toys, researched washing machines, put together a fall daycare schedule, chores lists for the kids, and caught up with several girl friends.  It’s amazing how much you can actually TALK with just a few kids around instead of 5 or 6! 

I have also had a lot of uninterrupted   thinking time to review the year and anticipate the year ahead.  I consider my year starting in September and ending in August because of Dave’s work... and that’s just always the way I have done it.   Anyways... I have come to the conclusion that year 29 was challenging and long in several ways.  Adjusting to the daycare venture was a HUGE life adjustment.  Homeschooling  Jesse was rewarding but took adjusting to as well.  A miserable Pregnancy was the primary culprit in most of my distaste for the year, a long winter didn’t help, and then a spring and summer taken over by the job of moving and adjusting to a new house was also pretty major.  I am thankful for friends and family who helped in both big and small ways through this year, but I am ready to LEAVE IT, and jump into 30.

I am looking forward to a lot of things this year.    Baby Four is definitely at the top of the list.   I can’t wait to MEET THIS LITTLE ONE!!!!  I know I have to birth the child, and then heal, and deal with less sleep.  But I will take all of that over the grey dulling of my inner core that seems to hit hard when I am pregnant.  My biggest issue is not all the discomfort from carrying the babe, or the extra stretch marks or veins, or the barf and back pain and fatigue.  These things certainly all contribute, but mostly, I feel like my husband and kids get robbed of a good mom and wife for the year.  I really do feel like a 50% version of myself for 9 months.   Every time I have delivered my babies, I feel like a new person just a few days after.  It’s like a fog has been lifted and my spirit has been lightened, and I always say to myself, “This is what I’m like!”    I’m really excited to find out the gender of this little one as well.  I think it will make the laboring process a bit more motivating with that suspense at the end.    The baby is due October 2, and I feel like September will be a challenge to handle all the business while being so big and uncomfortable, but once he or she is here, I hope it will be much easier and enjoyable.

Another excitement is that I am looking forward to Jesse and Janna’s homeschooling curriculum.  Jesse starts in with Math and Handwriting and Science experiments this year on top of his core requirements, and I am pumped to tackle this with him.  Janna will also get a 30 minute school time with me later in the day that will involve reading some great literature with a short discussion after, introduction to letter sounds and formation, and a fun activity each day.  I just told her over vacation that she would be starting homeschool with mommy and she was SO PROUD telling everyone, but especially telling Jesse.

I am looking forward to a less strenuous daycare schedule.  I just have 2 part time boys this year who I really enjoy.  I am only working M/W/F’s starting in September and I find it pretty enjoyable that way with a down day in between.

I am looking forward to Dave going back to work and terrified at the same time.  My work load is about to triple- for real- and I’m mostly nervous about how to handle it with this big belly making many things difficult.   It’s been super to have him around for the summer, but he’s a great teacher and worker and I know he feels his calling in the classroom not with a bunch of toddlers day in and out.   We are going to try and arrange for an EVERY WEEK date night this year, and I am really excited about this.  We tried for every other Friday last year, but it was hard to find babysitting OR feel like doing anything at the end of the work week.  WE are aiming for a mid week Wednesday date night together, and this should be SUPER if we can make it happen every week.  If anyone out there wants to offer free services once a month on Wednesday nights, we are open- okay? The kids would be in bed.  We can pay you with popcorn and cable?

With all these exciting things in the horizon, I do get the odd panic attack.  A newborn baby, 4 other kids, homeschooling ,  a husband to love,  friends to invest in, a BIG house to clean now, groceries to buy, snacks- meals- snacks- meals, diapers-poop-diapers-poop.   But, I am mostly thankful that I am able to stay home with my kids at this age and stage even though it may be crazy.  It’s so important to me.   I am super thankful for Dave who is an absolute super star dad and supportive husband, too.  It makes this crazy journey doable and wonderful.

Well, that rant put in another hour of my day.  I hope I can stay awake for the arrival of the masses.  Who knows WHEN I will blog next.  On Wednesday we all start ”back to work,”  and I have a bunch of full time kids the weeks leading up to school, so it could get wild.

Thanks for reading. I’m out!

HAPPY SUMMER!!!

Well, Dave declared it officially summer a few days back, and today is my declaration!  Yesterday was my last day with extra kids (beyond my own) for almost a month, when I’ll start back up mid August.

July has been pretty swamped.  The move certainly was a big part of that, as is adjusting to the house and yard work.   But we have also been very busy with visitors, daycare kids several times per week, and appointments.  We take July to catch up on yearly dentist and doc visits, and things that are hard to do with all the kids on my own during the year.  Add in Dave’s woodworking spree, long runs most days, and my waddly- slower- moving self.... oh and the 3 little demanding kids of our own.  WE are ready to slow things down.

I have no intentions of taking back over the family blog on a daily basis, but will do a few posts during the summer as I feel like it.  We leave for the East in less than a week, and I am looking forward to having much less cooking and cleaning to do for a bit.   It’s always hard to strike a balance with all the family and friends we want to see, and things we want to do, AND trying to relax a bit.... but it’s always a great change of pace, and we look forward to slower feel the Maritimes offer.

Anyways, it is a stunning day here.  Not even 20 and breezy and sunny.  The boys are out at Vacation Bible School for the morning, and the girls and I have some gardening to do.  Janna loves to help water plants, Robyn is pretty good at entertaining herself in the back, and I have some berries to pick.  I tried making a Gluten Free strawberry rhubarb pie a few weeks back and it was TO DIE FOR.   Today will be the attempt at a raspberry rhubarb pie fresh from the garden for some supper company we’ll have arriving after nap time.   I think we’ll fill up the kiddy pool in anticipation of the next few days of sunny nice weather as well.

Happy Summer one and all.  Thanks for reading and Take care!

Chrissy

May flowers..

If any of you follow Dave’s blog, NO, this is not a hijack due to the gross chicken post J  I just have a few minutes on my hand and felt like doing a quick update.  Dave does a great job of capturing some of our day to day moments, but I like to ramble on about my latest organizational tasks and things about the kids...so here I go.

The weather has been AWESOME the past month.  It makes such a huge difference to be able to pop out into the front or backyard with minimal work.  Or, send the older 2 out on their own while Robyn and I get some work done around the house.

Packing has been going super.  I made a list of things to be working on each week, and I have been able to stay on top of it without being overwhelmed.  Currently, half the kitchen is packed up (you know  all those things you use once in while but can get by without for a month such as a brie baker, fondue pot, wine glasses, etc?)  The upstairs walls have been cleared of hooks, stickers and pictures.   The bedrooms are down to the bare basics of clothes and bedding with just a few toys and books out.  Most of our books, and 3/4 of the toys are packed up.  My sewing and scrapbook and art supplies are packed away. The storage room has been purged, organized, packed and labelled.   I have lots of little decor items packed away.  I have been trying to make a weekly list, and just tackle the packing tasks as a rainy day arrives, or the kids are just playing really nicely for an hour here or there.  On the packing list this week is to take down all the pictures and wall hangings on the main floor, and in the basement, and get them all wrapped and packed up, as well as do some work in the filing cabinet.

It’s been taking up most of any spare time I have, as I am finding myself needing 10-12 hours of sleep in the course of a 24 hour period.  I find this totally frustrating to require a daily nap, and early bed time, but am trying to listen to my body, and take the sleep I need to grow this little baby.  I remember needing a lot of sleep when I was pregnant with Jesse, and so I am feeling like this is another little sign that maybe I’m carrying a boy.  Just my hunch...although I think there is a greater chance it’s a girl, my inkling is a boy.  We’ll see in due time...

The kids are doing great.  This is Jesse’s last week of homeschooling for the year, and I’m happy he’ll have June off to spend extra hours outside.  He adores riding his bike, and spends any minute he is allowed outdoors in the front or backyard.

Robyn seems to have a similar outdoorsy love, and spends half her time inside putting on different shoes from the entry way and asking me to go out.  Dave and I were dreading having an 18 month old to sunscreen this summer, as we remember both Jesse and Janna having meltdowns over being sun screened at her age, but oddly, she really loves having sunscreen applied.  If I pull it out and start lotioning up the other kids, she runs over and butts in the way and hollers frantically at me to give her a turn with it.    She likes trying to ride all the little (and big) bikes and scooters outside, and appreciates ants and bugs and dirt.

Janna is not as enthralled with nature.  While she loves heading out for a shopping trip, church, a Tim’s date, or errands, she does not like the “elements” that surround her outside.  The bugs, the dirt, the wind...etc. all severely ruffle her feather.   She often snuggles up on my lap on the step or our front lawn chairs while the other kids play and run around.   It’s funny how different the kids are, and fascinating to watch them in their own uniqueness.

Dave is in the last stretch!  He has been running or biking into work several times a week in an attempt to get in exercise during this extra busy time.   A few more weeks of classes and then the final shove.  The banquets and evening commitments have started, and I forgot how much I dislike doing dinner and bedtime on my own, especially after caring for 4 or 5 kids on my own since 6 am.  But, the summer is in the horizon, and having a good chunk of time off together is worth it ( I think?!)

Well, kids are finishing up snack, and we are going to head outside as there is a pause in the rain.  It might storm a bit later, so we’ll suck up the fresh air as we can.

Thanks for reading! I’m out!

Chrissy

the low down

We’re into May, and the grass is finally green, the trees are starting to bud, and we have a week ahead with predictions of sun and temperatures into the teens.  April flew by with lots of fun things going on.  We had nana and poppie visit from New Brunswick, then Easter to celebrate, and last weekend we had a kid free weekend OFF. 

Tamara took our kids again, and it was much needed!  Things have been super busy at Dave’s school (although I find that things are ALWAYS busy at Dave’s school)  Dave is not only involved in many extracurricular groups, but with the small and close-knit size of his school, he ends up being involved in what seems like, most all happenings.  For example, he is the media arts teacher, so for the big school play that took place last week, he not only had to organize the cappies event (which he leads) but he ended up having his classes do posters and promo materials, and head shots, etc.  Anyways, if he only had to teach classes, he would be a much free-er man.  But, he does such a great job at going above and beyond at his work and I’m proud of him.  There is just over a month left of classes, and then a month of exams, and marking and banquets  and school wrap up.  The end is in sight!  I am always just as excited for this time, as Dave’s school is pretty all consuming and the house and child responsibilities are usually mine alone to battle around this time of the year.

It’s kind of good to keep busy, though.  It’s been a tough pregnancy with continued fatigue and strong bouts of morning sickness here and there.  Certainly, it’s been an improvement from the first trimester, but I don’t feel great most days.  Having lots on the go keeps me distracted and away from self-pity I think.   I am almost at the half way point.  Whoa! Where did the time go?

Speaking of having lots on the go, to add to the May and June list is to pack up our entire house!  We are moving the end of June to a new place just 4kms south of here to a single home in Barrhaven.   We had no intentions to move, but a really great opportunity showed up on the door step and we truly felt like a gift straight from God was being given to us. 

The new house is just lovely! There are lots of things I could say about it, but that would be a long blog.  I will suffice myself with 3 things I am excited for.

1.       

Space!  We’ll be up to 3 bathrooms, 2 living rooms, a finished basement, etc.  The mud room and double garage with be most certainly used well.  But, my favorite space addition is definitely going to be the backyard.  Barrhaven tends to have smaller square backyards.  But, the house is on a corner lot, and deeper back without any rear neighbors.   It is entirely fenced in and has a new deck, swing set, sand box, shed, playhouse, garden, a long jump pit it if you like J, and lots of green space on top of this.  It is fully fenced and so it will be wonderful to send the kids outside to play, or enjoy BBQ suppers on the patio.   Dave is looking forward to having his own yard to mow, and I’m looking forward to sipping on icecold lemonades, lounging on a deck chair with a massive baby belly,  watching him do his thing.  HA HA.  Well, there are some flower beds, as well as a garden to tend to, and so I will happily try and learn along side of Dave how to tackle the rhubard, raspberries, garlic, asparagus, herbs, etc they have growing.  We were informed they are all easier to manage, so we’ll see how that goes.  Growing up, my mom disliked flowers and gardening.  WE moved into a house that had delightful landscaping and over the course of living there, she had all the beds ripped up and several trees removed.  So, I don’t have much experience in any of this, but I’m excited to learn. 

2.       THE LOFT.  My favorite room in the actual house is a living room that is half way upstairs.  It is huge with vaulted ceilings, a wall of windows, a fireplace, and a brand spankin’ new plush cream carpet.  It is “railed in” and so you can see downstairs or further up stairs from within it.  For now, it will be the kids playroom with a few comfy chairs.  It will nice to have a sunny and open spot for them to cozy into (especially during the winter months) and I like that the mess of toys will be up and away from the main floor...but I could still hear or see them if I was downstairs or upstairs.

3.       Royal tub! We have a full ensuite bathroom with one of those huge soaker tubs nestled into the corner.   I’m a bath person, and so this carries huge promise and excitement for those odd days I get to squeeze in a bath. 

SO, there is a lot of work to be done in the next few months to get done while watching the gang of kidlets.  I have vowed not to let packing rob me of the nicer weather FINALLY in the horizon, and so my plan is to get tons of packing and house work done on rainy days and evenings.   Last week we had rain almost every day, and so I got a few dozen boxes packed up, and the storage room sorted and purged.  SO, good things are happenin’!

What won’t be happenin’ for the next while is my blog.  However, Dave decided out of the blue to start in with his summer blog on the family early, so you can read about our adventures on a daily basis here: http://apartment1004.blogspot.com .  I have no idea how he is going to pull off blogging each day during these last few months of school, but if anyone can do it, it’s Dave!

Thanks so much for reading one and all.  I’m out!

Chrissy

April- Hallelujah!

The girls are playing nicely together, and the boys are out on an adventure this morning.  Our kids were far too snotty to take to church and put in nursery and Sunday school, so we decided to stay in this morning.  Of course you never want to pass on a cold to another family, but more selfishly, I am terrified of the kids picking up another stomach bug.  It was about a month ago that we dealt with stomach bug of doom for several weeks.  I think the kids might have picked it up from the swimming pool.  And sure enough, after another swim this past week, they seem to have developed pesky colds that have them up all hours of the night asking for help blowing their noses, requesting cough drops, and my favorite thing Jesse wails when he is a bit under the weather during the nights...”Mom, my head is shaking!”

Anyways, March was horrible, and I am trying to repress it, so I won’t spend too much time discussing that one!  Onto April, we have Jesse and Janna doing swimming together for the next couple of months, and then from June- August, Jesse will do soccer, and Janna will go back to gymnastics.  She did the winter session with Dave, and ADORED it!  Every Tuesday that has rolled around she pouts and asks why she can’t go back to gymnastics?  So, we will be signing her up for the summer session, and I know she will be just thrilled.  

Back to the present day.  The kids were a tad too under the weather to tackle church, but it was apparent a few hours into the morning that they needed a change of pace,  particularly Jesse, who has been rather sombre the past few days.  The thing that Jesse loves is one on one dates ending with a sweet treat.  So, Dave decided they’d bus to the O Train, and then after an exciting Train ride, they’d get off at Carleton U and hit up the Tim’s there for a donut and coffee.   I’m hoping he’ll be in much brighter spirits when he returns. 

The girls and I went for a walk to check out the status of the closest parks.  There are 3 that are about a 10 minute walk away (in different directions), so I set off with the girls in the double stroller, with a planned loop that should have taken about 45 minutes.  We checked out all 3 of the parks (still too snowy to navigate and entertain babies), but the path that usually cuts me across a field to get home, was covered in snow.  I should have turned around and backtracked home, but decided I’d check out where this one side street ended.  It ended VERY far away, and our walk almost doubled in length!  The girls were great though, and Robyn only fell asleep for the last 5 minutes.   I must say my hips are feeling mighty funny after such a long walk, but the fresh air and sun was refreshment for the soul.  

The weather isn’t great in Ottawa.  But, it’s certainly an improvement, and in comparison to the poor Maritimes that has been hit with horrendous storms and amounts of snow, I’ll take it!  It’s 6 and sunny today, and tomorrow is supposed to be 12 and sunny.  I’m hoping a few weeks and the parks will be playable (mind you, I’m sure muddy).  

There is so much to look forward to in April over the next few weeks that we'll survive the snow that is still on the ground.  Nana flies in from Fredericton tomorrow afternoon and stays for a week, with Poppie joining later on in the week and for the weekend.   Jesse has been counting down the sleeps since 18 days I think.  The following weekend will bring Easter celebrations, and then the following weekend Dave and I will be child free.  Tamara is taking all 3 again for the full weekend, and we couldn't be more excited.   I’ve got a spring cleaning list to keep me busy on the rainy and cool days likely in store for April, as my plan is to be outside from May-August.  Seriously, after such a LONG and COLD winter, I will be embracing the 4 months of sun and warmth with all my heart.

Well, lunch needs to be made, as Robyn is getting the hungry grumps. Thanks for reading. I’m out! 

March break, pregnancy blahs, and the end of winter

I think I preface most of my blogs with this statement lately, but I’ll say it again: It’s been a while!  I see that my last blog was right around Janna’s birthday.  This was shortly after I found out I was pregnant.  I have not dropped off the face of planet, folks.  (Although, I really wouldn’t mind re-locationg close to the equator these days)  It has just been a couple of crazy months, with little to no extra time,  I tell ya. 

When Dave and I decided to try for another baby, I figured that the end of winter would be a good time to “DO” Trimester 1.  I have never been good at Trimester one.  The nausea, the barfing, the runs, the exhaustion.  But, for me, the worst is my emotions go a bit wild.  Everything that I may have previously found a bit sad, I find TEAR INDUCING- sobbing- shaking sad.  Things that may have made me bristle a bit, make me outright ANGRY and my nostrils flare, and I go around slamming things.  I feel like a bit of a manic version of myself.  So, I figured I should get this OUT of the way while I was also hating the end of winter.   I never do so well in February, and totally understand this Canadian thing to fly south for a week in February.  I’m sure there will come a time for me to do this when I don’t have nursing babies, really little kids, and a tight budget.  For now, I just dream, and go a bit stir crazy.

Where was I?  Yes, we decided to aim for the bad time of the pregnancy for the bad time of the year, and at a time where I was SUPER busy with extra kids to watch.  I was hoping it would distract me??? And you know, it kind of has.  The kids have so much joy, and they keep me on my toes.  They keep me listening to cheerful music, singing, reading happy books, heading outside to play, planning art activities, and eating well.  And while my days have been going well, I sort of crash on the family by supper.  The other night Janna spilled her water all over the table.  A tiny bit dripped on her, and a HUGE amount all over me.  She burst into tears, and I said, “ Janna, It’s okay.  You don’t need to cry over a bit of water spilled on you”  And then I looked down at my SOAKING jeans, and burst into tears.  I think Dave took care of bed time and the cleaning that night.  But, usually, he deals with the kids after supper, I clean up the house, and then am in bed between 7 and 8 once my work is done.   There has been no energy for anything else.  Hence the lag in blog.

I had been looking forward to March Break SOOOO much!  It was like a beautiful sliver of light in a grey sky that kept me looking up and moving ahead.  I would get a little reprieve from the hard work, and some time to do special things with just my family.  I had a list all made: pizza party, basement campout, skating at night, museum trips, one last sledding adventure, etc.   

On Friday at 5, once my 3 extra little people took off for the day, I crashed into a warm tub of water and ate pizza while Dave fed the kids supper, put Robyn to bed early, and took the older two swimming. (What a good man, I have)    It had been a rough week, particularly with Robyn who had an ear infection and was joining me in crazy world because of her meds.  I think this swim trip I recommended MAY have been a mistake.  I think this is where, perhaps the kids picked up, “the plague.”  Janna kicked it off  for us in the wee hours of the morning with intense vomit and runs, and Jesse joined the next day, and Robyn the next. 

I am both thankful and frustrated that it happened over March break.  It is great timing in that I have only a couple of working days with extra kids here, and Dave around to help and for moral support.  But, my list of fun things.......* tear* The kids have literally been laying around on the couch like zombies, and asking to go to bed at all hours of the day.  They have barely eaten a thing, and any bit of drink or food they do eat, comes out violently in one way or another L     

Dave and I have a good system going.  I am normally fine with the kid’s gross fluids, but I have found it super hard on my already nauseated self.  So, Dave has generally ran to wherever they are, stripped them and cleaned up the mess, while I run a bath and get them washed up and redressed and comforted.   Aside from the lurching, it has been SOOO quiet around here.  I miss the loudness and giggles and smiles.   Robyn and Jesse seemed to be on the up and up this morning, but are back in the pits this afternoon with Janna.   I am thankful that Dave and I have been spared so far.  I hope it stays that way!

Dave has been my super hero the past couple of months.  I feel like he just gets how to handle my emotions now (better than I do).  I guess by the fourth time around, he knows what to suggest, what to say, and not to say!   He’s definitely picked up any of my slack, and been encouraging and upbeat despite my tired daze by 5, and random emotional outbursts.  

He has also been very gracious when it comes to my pregnancy cravings.  With each kid I have found myself needing lots of milk and fruit.  With Jesse, I think it was blackberries, Janna might have been kiwi, and Robyn perhaps strawberries?  With this one, I have needed a glass of OJ when I wake up.  It’s the thing that pulls my tired butt out of bed and gets my feet down the steps.  I have also been chugging lots of milk and have a grapefruit most mornings.   It’s been easy to keep the fridge stocked with these things, and finding something for breakfast is not too bad.  But, my worst point of the day is supper.  I always feel SUPER gross at this hour, and there is ONE and ONLY ONE meal that I can possibly imagine cooking or eating that will not make me puke.  The bad thing is that it is different every day!  And I don’t really know what it’s gonna be until the kids wake up from their naps and my stomach starts churning.  So, there have been lots of runs to the grocery store for ingredients around dinner time.  My meal planning is kind of out the door right now.  I still plan, but we don’t really follow so well.    Today I needed a Greek salad.  Yesterday I needed roasted potatoes, the day before that pizza.  Last week I needed a chicken pot pie.  The week before there was spaghetti one night, and hot dogs another.  It’s just ridiculous.  Always different, always random.   But, as far as our plans go, this is the last baby and pregnancy, so I am just trying to embrace it all a bit?   

I really hope the kids get better in time to enjoy a few fun things before Dave heads back to work.  I have 2 more really busy 5 day work weeks with 2-3 extras each of those days, but then a couple of my extra kids are finished their contract, and I’ll be back to 4 day weeks with 1-2 extra per day.  I’ll be at the 14 week mark around then as well, and so my nausea and exhaustion should hopefully let up as it has in the past 3 pregnancies.  I have generally had really awesome second trimesters.   So, my new sliver of sun through the grey clouds is April 1.  And let me tell you, Mother Nature better not play some April Fool’s joke involving a snowstorm and 25 extra cms of snow.  Seriously.  I might have to run away for a week, and hijack all our savings for our east coast summer travel and fly to Hawaii for a week.   You may have been wondering if this thought came to me right now.  Nope.... it’s been brewing....

Well, on that unsettling note, I should be off and away. The kids are going on almost 3 hours of naps, and I should get a bit of work done while they are resting up.   You should SEE the laundry that the stomach flu (*3 kids) produces.  It is crazy.  Thanks one and all for reading.  And don’t worry for real about me.  April is coming, I can make it without running away I think.   I’m out!  

Janna at 3 years old!

This is a day late, but I wanted to do a quick blog on what my Janna girl is like, at 3 years old!

We celebrated yesterday, just as a family.  She was in great spirits, which was nice after her recent bout with strep throat and scarlet fever.  About 48 hours after starting her antibiotics, she was like a new girl.

Dave kicked off the morning by taking the rail off her crib!  We decided when she turned 3, she could transition towards “big girl bed.”  Dave was more pushy on this than Janna and I, so I agreed on the terms if she got out of her bed a million times or fell out or WHATEVER, Dave would be the one to deal with it in the middle of the night!  She did pretty well last night.  She didn’t try to get out of bed at all, but did keep throwing her blankets off by accident onto the floor, and dropping her sippy cup of water onto the floor.  There were a few trips in before 10 pm, but after that, we tucked her blankets SUPER tight under the mattress and around her and she was good!

 So, we had pancakes for breakfast to kick off the AM, and did her gifts and cake at supper.  We had eggs and bacon for supper (one of her favorite meals).   She felt very special all day with several different people calling on the phone to wish her happy birthday and a drop in visit from Aunt Katie who read to her for a while and picked out a few great gifts for her!

At 3 years old, Janna is super cute!  She is just 22 pounds and short.  Although she has some hair, finally, she still gets mistaken for being just 2, often.   Due to her size and wispy hair I think.  She still loves cuddles from mommy, and to wrestle with daddy.   Otherwise, though, she enjoys some space, and I will often find her curled up somewhere reading books. Robyn and Jesse do not have as much as a need for a bubble as she does, and so they like to get in her face and irritate her a bit.   

She is not a morning person, and scowls until she has had a huge breakfast and has woken up a a bit.  She comes alive as the day goes on, and is at her peak happy point after supper each night.   At which point she runs around making strange noises, dancing spinning, and attempts silly  jokes.  She likes to mock Jesse and say no to his requests to get a reaction from him.  We are working on this!

Janna loves to help, and currently empties the dishwasher and clears her place at the table.  She is a bit of a neat freak and can’t take being dirty or sticky or having wet socks or something on her face.  She is known for crying for a wet cloth, and going around cleaning things up.  She does not like to use the same spoon for different food items on her plate, and even some water on her cup can send her into a pout and an, “it’s dirty Mama!” rant.

She can talk up a storm these days, although tends to be more in her own world of thoughts.  She is a tad spaced out, and still can’t get a handle on her colors (aside from pink)  but doesn’t seem to care too much.   When asked a questions she needs a bit of time to think through it and answer (like her dad). She loves to talk on the phone, read books, sing, and do stickers.  She loves her baby dolls and takes good care of them during the day.   She likes to play kitchen and doctor and dress up.

I’ll end this blog with a good old fashioned list of likes and dislikes!

Food: Loves Eggs and Fruit, Not so much a fan of meat

Music: Obsessed with Christmas music, and baby Einstein music.  She doesn’t like the radio.

TV:  Loves Barney and Paw Patrol.  She does not like anything remotely “scary”

Clothing:  She loves colors and patterns, tights and dresses.  She grumps at me when I put her in blue

Books: She loves her alphablock letter book, and our classic collection of Eloise Wilken little golden books.   Go Dog Go is another favorite, and Goodnight moon.  She likes all books.

Friends:  She is pretty fond of little Japheth who comes over, and any older girls who cross her path.

Color:  She loves pink, and calls brown, “dirty.”

Toys:  She loves stuffed animals and dolls and dress up things.  She also likes playing trains and with her kitchen.  She is not a fan of playing with Robyn these days, who likes to try and wrestle her or “do her hair”

Activity:  She goes to gymnastics once a week, and LOVES it.  She does NOT like playing outdoors in this cold winter weather, and often sits on the front step pouting while the other kids play.

Well, I hope that was a good representation of our wonderful daughter who brightens our days with her funny cackle, and even with her dramatic pouts. 

Thanks for reading.  Lots of kids here today, and they are almost done doing some art work, so I’m out! 

TGIF

We’ve been 2 weeks back at ‘er, and the meaning of TGIF, has never rung truer.

Things have, actually, been going really well with my new kiddos, and 5 day weeks with lots of extra little people around.   But, I’m tired by 8 pm most nights, and the weekends feel SO incredibly needed.  In fact, last night, I was asleep by 8 pm, and out cold until near 6 am.  

I am so glad I put together my crazy excel spreadsheet.  It feels very necessary and helpful.  I feel like I can be a better and more attentive wife and mom because I know all the “work” has a place and time to get done.  If I feel panicked because my floors are beginning to grow things, or my cupboards are streaky and slimy, I can just look at my chart, and see that they will get done tomorrow morning, and I need not worry about it.   I can get back to playing with the kids, or spending some quality time with Dave, and not ditch them for housework.   So, it’s been freeing in a strange way.   One of my goals for the new year was  to be really present in the moment, and get in good quality time with the kids, hubs, and friends. When I have a plan for how all the OTHER necessities (but less important things) will get done, I can just breathe a bit easier and enjoy the moment I’m in.

Another big goal Dave and I have had is, sticking firmly to the budget!  One step has been to have a weekly check in together to make sure we’ve been good and keep each other accountable.  For me, the biggest struggle is sticking to my grocery budget.  I have always done well with picking meals based around sale items, and sticking to my budget on my weekly grocery shop.  However, where I always fail, is in that mid-week run to the grocery store to grab milk.  I can never just grab milk.  I see some good sales on this or that, and end up with a half cart full!   So, my rules to stick to it goes like this.

Make a weekly menu based on sale items using 95% of the grocery budget, and saving 5% for SUPER emergency needs such as wipes, milk, or laundry detergent.  I have been cutting back on expenses by doing one vegetarian meal per week, and one SUPER CHEAP supper per week.

NO MID WEEK GROCERY VISITS!   I REPEAT, NO GOING BACK TO THE GROCERY STORE!!!  This has been sort of fun.  Making do with what we have.  I had no 5% buffer this week, and so this morning, I did actually use wet paper towels as wipes.  And this morning our fridge was super bare.  I really had nothing for breakfast as Friday morning or evening is my shopping day, and we were down to the bare bones.  But, I found a pack of bacon.  So, I fried up a huge pack of bacon for breakfast, and divied up the 2 last eggs and slices of bread between everyone.

Dave came down after dressing for work, and said, “This is certainly what heaven smells like.”  I proceeded with an argument about how we would certainly all be vegetarians in heaven, and he looked genuinely distraught and after a moment of quiet reflection replied with, “ I think I need to go and sit down.”  Ha Ha Ha

Dave is in super duper crunch mode right now with the semester ending.  He has so much marking to finish, exams to prep, and then a whole new set of exams to mark, plus a whole new semester to review for.  He was so sweet, yesterday, though.  I was in a bit of a frenzy after an overwhelming day.  Tears started trickling down my face at supper, and so I quietly picked up my plate, apologized,  and went to finish my meal upstairs in silence.  He encouraged me to take a rest, have a bath, and put the kids to bed on his own, AND cleaned up the disaster of a playroom.  What a man.

I have my head in a better place this morning.  Even though the kids are a bit whiney and testing, the snow is falling gently, the sun is shining, and tomorrow is Saturday! That is all for now.  The kids are finishing up playing with play-doh and so off I go! Thanks for reading. I’m out.  

2014

It’s a quiet night, and I finally finished my TO DO list to end off the day and week.  Craziness will be commencing on Monday, and tomorrow will be one last day of rest before jumping back into life.  

I have had just a lovely 2 week holiday.  Dave took the first week off ENTIRELY from school marking and prep, and I haven’t had any extra kids here.  On top of that, we flew solo as a family this Christmas season, so no travel, and no visitors.  While we certainly would have loved to celebrate with extended family, it did make for a very relaxing week.

Of course, the couple of days leading up to Christmas were pretty full with cooking and baking, and services and such.   But, having half the kids and double the help, the days felt breezy.  Dave took the kids out to various museums with a year long family pass we were given SEVERAL times over the course of the break, and it was so great to have a few hours here and there of a quiet and still house.

The kids were fantastic on Christmas day, even despite colds and some mild fevers.   We opened gifts in the late morning, had a walk in the freezing cold after lunch before naps, and then enjoyed a feast at 4.  Aunt Katie was in Ottawa for the day, and so joined us all for dinner.  She was pretty terrified of getting sick, with memories of being sick last year still sharp, and travel plans for the next day.  Last year, we all got a wicked FLU that just about killed us all and left Katie with a severe double ear infection that lingered for weeks.

 I have come to accept that boogers and constant bugs will plague our family while the kids are so little and we have other little ones in and out of our house on a regular basis.  This acceptance is just a recent thing, and has been good for me.  I have spent way too much time feeling like I was doing something wrong as a mother.  Not cleaning well enough, not shoving enough vegetables down my kids throats, going out too often, not going out enough.....  But I am just letting go of it all.  I am just accepting that this is a part of having tons of little people and lots of friends in the house for good parts of the day. And trying to look at the bright side, that they are developing such a magnificent spectrum of immunities.  I used to feel so panicked when one of the kids would start sniffling or get warm as I envisioned it blowing into some huge stomach flu and passing through all of us slowly and surely.   But, for now, I am just saying,  “Bring it on.  We’ll deal.”

So, we all have had a few days under the weather over the break with colds and body aches.   But, it hasn’t been too bad.   I have been pretty relaxed.  I even started a thousand piece puzzle on Boxing day, and finished it a few days later.   Dave and I have also been enjoying sleeping in until 7 most mornings, drinking lots of tea ( we have started in on green tea)  taking a nap here and there, and playing games in the evening or watching an episode from the Bible Series that aired last year.  I bought Dave the DVD set for Christmas, and I think we have 2 episodes left of 10.

 This week has certainly been busier.  Dave has been putting in full days marking, and I have been hanging with the kids and doing some spring cleaning:  walls, baseboards, curtains, that sort of thing.  I have also been gearing up for the New Year.  I am pretty big into resolutions and routines, and so when I jotted down some goals for 2014, I was a bit overwhelmed with my list of, like, 21 things I wanted to improve on or incorporate into my life.  The goals were all across the board from deep relational and spiritual ones,  to very practical financial ideas, to simple but important, “Make sure I give Cooper a bath each week and keep the dog treats stocked.”  So, the list was tremendous, and I had to prioritize and think lots.  I probably cut that in half, but with so many things STILL on my list, I spent a few days brainstorming how to pick or work all of these ideas into my life.  In the end, good old excel helped me out, and I came up with a spreadsheet allotting out the minutes in my day.  It was pretty fun trying to work goals into my already FULL day with the kids. But, I think I was creative enough, and left enough down time in my schedule that it will be a schedule that enables and guides and assists, without choking and demanding and discouraging.  If that made any sense?  We will give it a go starting on Monday and see how it feels.

Also, this coming week, I have 2 new boys starting up with me a couple of days a week.   It’s gonna make my week pretty crazy, but I think it will be a good crazy.   This was one of the reasons for my super intense spreadsheet.   To not just keep on top of life, but thrive and improve in certain things, I am just at this point where I need to make sure I have everything written down and a plan for when and how I will accomplish it.  Everything from bathing the dog, getting a walk in every week, keeping in better touch with friends, having better prep time for Jesse’s homeschooling, spending quality time with Dave, etc.   Oh...it’s ALL On the spreadsheet......oh spreadsheets....  

I am so weird.   

Well, that is all for now.  Just wanted to touch base and say HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!  Hope all is well.  Thanks for reading.  I’m out.