Well Hello First Blog Post in over a Year

It’s 6:53 as I begin typing this and all 4 kids are in bed.  Not asleep yet, but on their way.  Dave had to travel for a meeting tonight, and so I had to do the last stretch of the day by myself, which is always a bit much after a full day with 6 kids in the house.

I woke up this morning feeling very much like I needed to blog tonight.  I’m not sure why, to be honest.  I took a bit of break from blogging for a while.  First off, I felt like everyone knew a ton about me from my blog, and as a result neglected to reach out.  Maybe that was my bad.  Maybe I should have been reaching out to those people I felt like I wanted more of a relationship with.  I’m not sure.  But, I just took a break for a bit, and then the crazy fall happened, and I really just have not had many spare moments. 

In November when my nana passed away and I traveled back to NB for her funeral, though, I ran into a lot of different people who commented to me how faithfully my nana read my blog and spoke of it to others - how she sent it along to different people, how she loved it, and enjoyed it.  And so ..... I kind of felt like I was being too selfish and pity-party-ish in my prior analysis of the blog repercussions.  And so! Here I sit, giving an update on my life to whoever feels like listening in.  And that picture was just taken a few days ago, for those of you who may have forgotten how I look. 

And so here are my thoughts from the day.  I feel like I’m moving into a slightly new stage of life I have to say.  Not that today is any different than a few months ago, or that things will change drastically over the next couple of months- but there are a few big things I thought were note worthy.

SLEEP.  I get full nights of sleep almost every night now.  Like, without a single interruption. It’s been 7 years coming to me with the all the babies and uncomfortable pregnancies so close together.  And so I hope any mamas reading who are in the midst of sleepless nights with their babies don’t feel envious.  You will get there!  But really, I sleep hard and heavy, and all 4 kids do too. And so does Dave.  And it’s a nice place to be I gotta say. 

GEAR.  I’m cleaning out the house of gear that has been cluttering things up for a while.  I sold my jumperoo on kijjiji this morning, and while it felt oddly good to clear up a corner, I felt a bit sad.  All of my babies have used that thing (and oodles of daycare kids in between).  But, I feel like I’m able to let go of different kinds of things I didn’t see ever happening.  And the space it creates is a good thing.  I give you permission to read into this paragraph metaphorically if you’d like.

MOBILITY .  So, Asher is now almost 19 months old, and at this point in the past with Jesse, Janna, and Robyn- a new baby was just about to enter the scene.   I was oober- waddly, and had a hard time lifting and lugging a toddler around....and then once I had the baby, it was hauling around the carseat, or just having a kid strapped to my boob, back, front, or in my arms while trying to tackle everything else in life.  Asher is walking (and running) steadily.  He likes to do his own thing, and while he loves to cuddle, he is not at all the kind of kid that needs held much.   I have 2 arms MOST of the day- and my full body strength! It’s kinda nice I have to admit.  Now I know people will tell me I will long for those days with full arms once they are all grown up.  But for Today! I really like having both arms.   I also really love having more time to enjoy Asher.  I had many people flat our tell (or hint to) me that I should space the kids out so I could enjoy them while they were so little.  And I wanted to tell them to shut-up.   I don’t regret a single baby, or the timing, and there are certainly pros and cauns to both close or far spacing.  But, I do see, now, how it’s nice to have more attention for Asher at this stage.  Where, with the others, it was new baby on the scene, and more intense juggling with 2 little ones so close.

DREAMS.  I have let myself start dreaming a little more these days.  I remember Dave asking me on and off for the past several years if I’d like to start a hobby or take up a new class, and having NO desire to even think about it, because there was no time for it, no money for it, no energy for it.  I felt like entertaining any of that kind of thing would lead to frustration and disappointment.  And it probably would have.  But, I feel like I’m at a place in my life, where I’m rested and healthy enough to do new things, think a bit outside of the box, and plan and dream in a way I haven’t in a while.   This has led me to a new business venture in the essential oil industry, and I have just LOVED all aspects of it.   From learning new skills, educating myself, working with a great team of adults, and interacting and teaching grown-ups a few nights a week, it’s a really nice change of pace from my daytime hours of singing twinkle-twinkle, kissing boo-boos, cleaning up soggy cereal from the floor, and trying not to strangle the kids for all their whining (although really- I wouldn’t trade ANY of this, for anything! Being a mom is great. )

HEALTH.  We’ve had really fantastic health this fall and winter since starting in with essential oils, and some new supplements.  It’s been incredible not to have had to clean up one puke, sit with anyone having runs for hours, go through pounds of Kleenex boxes for constant colds and viral issues.   In fact, I have had the same 6 pack since the fall time.  I have also had much better energy and mental health, and that has been priceless. Not to say we haven’t felt stretched and low and had hard or bad days....but they have all been more manageable having a good base line starting point.

So...these are all good things and there is so much to Praise God for.   Even though Dave and I feel stretched pretty thin on a day to day basis (poor Guy has 2 new courses to teach this semester) and we are trying to find time for things and make adjustments, and are far from perfect or have things all together.... life is sweet, and ever changing.  And I like that.  Change and motion is good.

Well, that is all for now.  I must be on my merry way and get some dishes done.  Thanks for reading. I’m out. 

ASHER'S BIRTH STORY

Another Manic Monday has come and almost gone.  Mondays either tend to go terribly wrong, or unbelievably smooth.  Today was not only smooth, but I got so much done on top of all the normal stuff involving caring for a FULL HOUSE of kids. Now everything is put back in its place.  The kitchen cleaned, the floors are scrubbed, and everyone is sleeping while Dave is out at small group, and I type away in a cozy and nicely lit corner of the house.  Ahhhh....Quiet.

And Alas, I have come to tackle to telling of Asher’s birth story.  He is 4 months old! Can I believe it?  He is such a sweet little guy and we all enjoy him so very much.  In fact, Dave and I fight over holding him most days during the dinner hour and tea time.  Well...not so much fight, but the saying is, “Oh here, hunny, let me take him for you!”  And then one of us reaches and grabs the baby from the other. We aren’t doing a noble thing, but selfishly just want the baby.  We are learning more about him each day and notice a real LOVE for music, a very tactile nature, and a more introverted nature.  He is so calm and chill with his little family unit, but doesn’t like strangers so much, extra noise, and has started playing strange.  When he wakes up from his naps, or in the middle of the night, he tends to just talk to himself for a while and enjoy the down and quiet time.  He has a horrible time with eczema these days, and we are trying a few new strategies this week.  If it doesn’t improve quite a bit, I will go off dairy since it is a common trigger according to several people.  I do love my cream, cheese, butter, and milk.  But if you could see what he does to his little face, waking up in bloody scabs from all the scratching, you could cut out a food love too!   Everyone who sees him says stuff like, “What’s wrong with his face?”  “ What’s up with the cheeks?” etc etc...  I’m just tired of explaining he is teething on top of dry skin, on top of eczema, on top of scratching himself until he is bleeding.  I know it is just a skin rash, and there could be much more difficult conditions to have to explain, but it’s been hard for me, all the same.  Just an honest thought.

Anyways, back to September 28^th when Asher entered the world.   Anyone following my blog may remember a few frazzled posts about going crazy waiting for his arrival.  And I was!  It was worse than just feeling done and curious about when he would come.   I was just an emotional mess, really, incapable of so many things and feeling like a stranger to myself.  After a couple of weeks with several false-labor start ups, I was really worried I would not recognize the signs that I really was in labor and get myself to the hospital in time.

Well, labor started on Saturday night around 8:00.  I was sitting on the couch talking with Dave.  Probably after crying my eyes out about the fact I hadn’t had ANY motion in the ocean all weekend, and had been trying everything under the sun for a couple of weeks.   I really wanted to have the baby on a weekend when Dave was home, as it was one less thing to arrange.  He was being a great husband and gave me a stellar foot rub while listening to my repeated woes.   As he was wrapping up and told me he needed to start marking, on his last foot squeeze, I had the biggest contraction out of the blue that had me holler and bolt upright from my comfy brown leather couch in the living room.  Dave and I laughed, and then resumed as normal, because these intense contractions out of nowhere were a pretty normal thing.  Dave started marking, and I paced around the house wondering if I should go bounce on a ball or something.  Anyways, I resigned just to sit on my butt and do nothing.  But, about 10 minutes later, another substantial one came.  And then again another 10 minutes later.   It was kind of déjà-vue like, as I remember doing early labor at home with both Robyn and Janna while Dave was marking at the table.   I made some lame comment about the marking bringing on our kids, and continued to time them.  They were every 10 minutes, but not getting closer together.

I decided to go to bed. Not get my hopes up.  Well, my contractions kept up ALL NIGHT long every 10 minutes.  They were too painful to sleep through, and I was having terrible back labor.  I would just kind of catch my breath, and then just about doze back off, and then BAM, be awoken be another.  I remember just TRYING to get some sleep, but just watching the clock at each peak of contraction. 

10:12. 10:22. 10:32. 10:42. 10:52.

 Dave climbed into bed pretty late that night.  I debated telling him, but wasn’t sure if it was the real deal, and didn’t want him to be too excited to sleep, so just tried to lay still, keep quiet, and let him rest up.  We were gonna have a baby soon!  I remember finally falling asleep for about 45 minutes around 5 am. 

At 5:45, I debated getting up for the day.  The contractions were still going, and I wanted to get moving, but I felt like as soon as I got out of bed, things would progress, and I wanted to give Dave as much sleep as possible.  So, I waited until close to 6:30, and woke him up.  I said something like, “ Dave.  I’ve been up all night having contractions 10 minutes apart.  I feel like as soon as I get out of bed, things are going to get going. Get up. Get a shower.  Caffeinate yourself.  I think we’re gonna have a baby today!”

Dave was like, “ OK! Let’s do it.  And he got himself all ready.  Sure enough, as soon as I stepped foot out of my bed, the back labor got worse, and the contractions moved closer together.  I showered, and Dave got the kids up and eating breakfast, and I came downstairs and we started timing them.   They were not super consistent, but anywhere between five and ten minutes apart.  I still wasn’t feeling like they were productive feeling enough.  I could still breathe and talk through them.  I sent an email to my friend.

Hey Mary
I was just wondering what service you and john are going to today and if your day is filled up or you are going to be around much ?  I have been up all night with contractions 10 minutes apart, mild but steady since 8pm last night.

My on call person for the day lives about 45 minutes away, so in the event things pick up ,  I'm just wondering if you might be able to swing over for an hour or so before she would get here?

Honestly, today better be the day!!! But I  am not holding my breath.

C

SO, my friend wrote back and offered to come watch the kids so I could go for a walk with Dave to try and get things rolling.  She came over to hang out with the kids, and Dave and I started doing a little loop around our crescent. I think this was around 9 or 10 am.  With walking, they became 2-3 minutes apart, but not quite long enough or intense enough.  I didn’t want to go to the hospital prematurely.  I was also SO tired from being up all night that after an hour or so, called it quits to come inside and rest.  Dave put on a movie to watch with the kids.  Mary and I drank tea and kicked our feet up and talked.  About 45 minutes later, the contractions brought about a deeper sensation, and I knew FOR SURE the baby was coming today.  We called our friend from out of town who has agreed to watch the kids for the whole day if needed.  I told her not to rush, that we were going to feed the kids lunch and get them down for naps before heading into the hospital. 

Wendy arrived around 2:00.  She is a doctor, and was so excited!  In between showing her a couple of things in the house regarding the kids, I would have to pause and bend over and breathe to get through a contraction. She would be like beaming, patting me on the back and saying, “ Oh ya! That’s good.  Yep.  Baby is on the way.”  So chill.   We hopped in the van, and got to the hospital around 2ish.  I had really bad contractions the drive in.  Something about the sitting position in the seat just killed my back!  By the time we got parked, and into the labor and delivery section, and into an assessment room, I was sure I was 4 or 5 cm dilated and the baby would be on it’s way before supper. 

Well, the assessment nurse, was a lovely lady.  I think since it was my 4^th baby she thought I’d be like 9 cm or something. And we were both surprised to find out I was only 3 cm dilated.  She actually didn’t seem too convinced that I was even IN labor.  I had NO idea why I hadn’t progressed in this area, but was certain I was in labor.  She gave me a chat about maybe going home and resting there, because I might not even be in labor, or it could just be a long ways off.  I was devastated!  To have everyone rearrange their lives, and the kids all settled in with a sitter, and my bag packed, I was ready to HAVE THIS BABY!    I politely nodded choking back the tears, and she offered me the chance to go and walk a couple of hours.  If I was really in labor, that would certainly speed things up.  I took a deep breath, said OK, and that I would be back.

So, Dave and I returned to the long halls on the main floor of the hospital to walk.  We had done this for a couple of hours with Janna in the middle of the night when nobody was there.  But, it was a Sunday afternoon and there were oodles of visitors in this corridor surrounded by gift shops, coffee shops, sitting place, and ATMs.  We were told to time the length of each contraction and that they really should be at least a minute long.  So I paced and Dave timed.  The first hour was ok.  I could keep my moans and focus to a minimal amount.  But I hated feeling like I was laboring in the middle of the world.  Women would walk by and give me a sympatheic nod.  Men would look at me terrified and then straight ahead. 

The second hour was bad!  I could not keep focused, or my laboring noises in.  Hospital staff would pop by and ask if I needed a wheelchair or directions to the laboring unit.  People would whip around wondering what the heck those terrible noises were,   It was funny because Dave was using his Ipod to time my contractions, which looks like a phone.  So, here i am walking for a while, and then a contraction hits. I would double over, pant, sway, grunt, breathe breathe breathe....and he would pull out his phone.   This one little old lady was walking by with her daughter I would guess, and she loudly exclaimed, “ That poor girl is having a baby- and HE is ON His PHONE!!!”   

It was my roughest early labor by far.  Probably being up all night long was not helpful, but I was having terrible back pains, and could not get in ANY position that felt comfortable.  With the other kids, Dave would do counter pressure and I would sort of hang forward, and that always seemed to help me get through it... but my back was way too painful to be touched, and I just couldn’t find a position that I could breathe through well.   I just wanted to be admitted to a nice cosy room.  Have a hot bath, and labour in peace, not in front of hundreds of strangers passing by.   Anyways, the 2 hours of death passed by.  My contractions were mostly a couple of minutes apart, and a minute in length.  I knew I must be about 5 or 6 cm and couldn't wait to get settled into a nice warm and dim room with just Dave and a nice nurse on hand to catch this baby!

So, I got back into the assessment room, and between moans and wails, had another assessment.  I was told  I was still only 3 cm dilated!

WHAT?!?! THE?!?!?! SHEOL?!?!

The nurse continued on with this little speel about going home blah blah blah.  I burst into ugly sobbing crying.  “ I don’t know WHY my cervix is not doing what it is supposed to do! But I KNOW I am in labor.  You can’t send me home.  I’m terrified my water will break in the car.  And when my water breaks, my babies COME!  Like, the last one almost fell on her head onto the floor it was that quick. “  I put out all my fears and stress and just prayed they would believe me and admit me to a room.  I felt like if I could just go into that nice quiet private room, my cervix would catch up with this whole labor thing, and the baby would come along.

The nurse (not my favorite I’ve ever had) told me that it was against policy to admit anyone unless they were 4 cm dilated, and they could give me some meds and send me home, OR I could have some drugs and walk some more.  I told her I would walk some more. WITHOUT DRUGS.  But that I hated laboring in front of  a whole bunch of people and that I just wanted to be admitted.

I left.  I cried.  Dave and I decided to try walking around the outside, as a friendly resident had suggested.  It was a beautiful and sunny and mild September day.  I did not want to stray far from the hospital doors since I really, honestly, felt, like I was 100 cm dilated, bulging, and ready to blow.  So, we tried walking around this one little building that had some picnic tables, and things.  It was terrible.  There were still plenty of people watching my labor show.  I was on the ground groaning and thrashing during the worst ones, and just sitting still crying and praying through the more mild ones.  I’m not a big ranting “rights” type of person.  But I felt inhuman.  I felt like I was not being given the proper space and care to bring a life into the world.  I had only had good hospital experiences until this point.  But I was really upset. 

Finally, I was too tired to walk anymore.  I’d already walked over 5 hours that day on no sleep and an already bad back.  We went back into the hospital, and I just sat on a stiff uncomfortable bench breathing deeply, but staying frozen during contractions.  I started trying all those funny phrases they’d mentioned in prenatal classes 5 year earlier with Jesse.  “ My cervix is a beautiful blooming flower....”  “ My baby is gracefully descending down a spacious and perfect slide....” I was thinking these things while moaning horrifically.  We did this for a while.  I felt bad for Dave.  He couldn’t help.  I was happy he was there.  But, that’s all he could really do.

Finally the 2 MORE hours of dreaded agony passed, and I went back to the assessment room.  I broke into tears AGAIN this time around.  But, it was because they said I was 5 cm dilated and could get into a room.  What would I like for pain management?  What was my labor plan?  What was I open and closed to?

This was kind of tricky for me, because I hadn’t even decided myself.  Having done both the very medicated and the totally natural labor,  I liked some things about the one, and other things about the other.  I just hadn’t really decided.  I ended up telling them I would like to do much of the process naturally, but I was not opposed to drugs, and if I felt like it got to be too much, I would ask for them.  But what I really wanted was to have a hot bath pronto!  That REALLY helped me with Robyn’s labor, and my back was just so sore I thought it was going to die on me.  I wanted off my feet, and into a hot bath.

So, I got into my room around 8pm, and  labor went double nuts.  It’s like my body needed that safe feeling place for me, and as soon as I got in there, it went into overdrive.  I got into the tub somehow.  But could still not get relief for my back.  About 2 minutes later I wanted out.  I wanted out, and I wanted an epidural. NOW! I pictured my smiling friend Tamara shouting at me, “DON’T BE A HERO.  JUST GET THE DRUGS!”  I felt like the baby was going to come VERY SOON, and I didn’t feel good in the tub, and I felt so restless and upset, and I wanted a bit of relief and rest before pushing and welcoming our baby into the world.

I haven’t ever seen Dave so happy.  He got a new light in his eyes, and whipped me out of the tub and onto our way for a bit of relief.  By this point, my contractions were really intense, and I was 9 cm dilated and bulging membranes.  The nurse was frantically getting me ready for the epidural, because we both knew as soon as my water broke it was game over for the epidural.  She called up MR. Anesthetic and got me all prepped. 

I really liked my nurse.  As soon as the anesthesiologist came in and was trying to ask me questions and all this, she was just trying to get this done for me.  “ She is5 foot 8, allergies penicillin...”  and rattled off a bazillion things while getting me into the dreaded C position for the needle.

I was having terrible contractions at this point, and wailing a lot while trying to hold still with a pillow stuffed in my face.  And here comes the worst part.   Mr. Dr. Epidual has a resident with him.  And guess who gets to give me the injection?  The student.  So, I’m sitting here as still as possible while they clean and prep and tape and load things up.  They have to put in this tube thing.  Don’t move they say! You could end up paralyzing yourself.  So, I’m so still.  And I feel a burning needle poking around  my spine.  And I hear the resident whispering to the doctor, “ I feel...crunching...bone crunching..”  And I hear the doctor say, “ Well, yes, you are looking for the space...you shouldn’t feel crunching....let’s retract that.....in 5 mm and 4 mm and 3 mm”

So, now, If I was training somebody, I would probably give them a go, but if they failed, maybe take over.  Nope.  Resident boy gets another try.  And this time I hear him say, “ Ugh...Crunching again”  And then he whispers to me, 

“ Ummm.  Can you tell me? Does that feel like it’s more to the left or right of your spine?”

Oh my gosh! I just about freaked.  I answered, “the left?!”  and looked into my nurses sweet brown eyes who was looking terrible sympathetic and then shot some death glares at the doctor who was supervising Mr. student. So, he got ANOTHER try and after another “retraction” the doctor had to take over and do it all himself. Anyways, the doc got in my room at 9:15, and it was about 10:00 that the freezing kicked in.  The doctor asked me permission to give an extra drug on top of the normal to get things moving quicker.  I think he felt really bad about how long it took.  Especially with all the noise I was making- followed by the thrashing around after the needle was in and I could move.

But then.  It was really wonderful for the next 10 minutes or so.  The pain went away.  I looked into Dave’s eyes and smiled at him.  I rested.  I got warm and cozy in bed.  We talked about how excited we were to meet our little baby, and wondered if it was going to be a girl or boy.  The doctor came in to check on me.  I was 10 cm.   She was great.  She had 4 kids of her own and did some of her training in Moncton New Brunswick. My water still hadn’t broken but was on the brink.  She left, and I suddenly felt really sick.  Like I was going to puke.  My eyes hurt.  The nurse dimmed the lights and told me to rest, I was probably tired.  She left the room, and all of a sudden my water broke!  I told Dave, he called the nurse.  The nurse returned.  Baby was coming!

All the nurses and doctor were really excited to see if it was a boy or girl.  There were 5 or 6 of them in the room as I was pushing, and they all were guessing a girl.  I stuck to my original instinct that it was going to be a boy.  The epidural was really nice.  I was able to inch out the baby slowly without any tears or pain.  The baby had a big head!  Everyone was so giddy around me in their calm and professional manner.  I will never forget it.  The final push, and squirm, and  Dave looking down and saying, “ Ohhhhh!!!!! It’s a BOY!!!!!”  I have never felt a more fuller smile, or a fuller heart.  I thought I would explode with happiness at that point. Asher game right up to me, and snuggled on my chest for a full hour.  Totally content and happy.   I never had that moment with the other kids.  With Jesse, I wasn’t sure what I felt about it, and had him cleaned up.  With Janna, she was so tiny amd had a cord all around her neck, they wanted to check her right away.  With Robyn I tried, but she ended up pooping terribly everywhere and was swimming in it.  But Asher, just snuggled right in, and I know I will never forget those moments with him, and Dave right by my side looking at him teary eyed.

All the stares, and back pain.  All the walking in the world.  I would do it again in a second for Asher. It made it all worth it.  My nurse let us linger and snuggle and feed for a few hours before transferring to our post baby room.  As she got us settled in with a new nurse, she told us that she had 2 kids, but her dream was 4.  That 4 hadn’t been able to happen for her, and that she had called dibs on the girl having her 4^th baby.  That we were a lovely couple, and how great to have 2 boys and 2 girls.  And I really felt like God was just smiling on me. That he was handing me this little gift, with a wink and a big hug.  And I felt so FULL.  So LOVED.  So amazed in those moments. 

And that is the story of Asher Robert Kevin Vance.  My hardest pregnancy.  My hardest labor.  Worth every struggle.  I will conclude with a poem I wrote for the person who guessed my due date correctly.  Natasha Tisdale guessed the due date of Asher correctly.  It’s funny because her mom, Janice, guessed Robyn’s due date correctly, and I wrote a poem for her last time.  But, I get to write a wee word about a great friend I grew up cheerleading with.  We were on the same team for 6 years, spent thousands of hours together over the years, and her mom was a great cheer coach and friend, too.  Thanks for reading . I’m out!   

Tash oh Tash,

An old friend, a cheer pal

My co-captain, confidant,

A sister, what a gal!

Six years on the same team

From the gym, to the the floor,

Basing, flying, front and back spotting

I think she did all four.

More than cheering together

Certainly, hundreds of hours each year,

I cherish the sleepovers, Twister, and gestures

And your fantastic family-so so dear,

Don’t get me started on Jan and her spray nine

Her starch and her cookies and smile

What a coach, what a mom and friend

Always going that “extra mile”

Well you take after her in so many ways,

Always ready to giggle,  tease, or laugh

And so deep and devoted, loyal and fierce

Committed to each of your tasks.

In high school you worked so hard

At friendships, family, and all subjects including Math.

 So smart and dedicated that after those years

You achieved An CMA, oh- what a tough path!

I must say, I always loved your writing

So bubbly, but also so neat,

Many folded up notes to “my eyes only”

The content so encouraging and upbeat

And even after HHS

I continue to receive these gifts.

A positive word and facemask in the mail,

The spirit she uplifts!

Now I must not forget to mention Robert,

We met him as they started dating at fourteen

Her high school sweetie she married.

A wonderful couple thought up in dreams.

She’s now a mom like me,

Two beauties she mothers each day

How lucky they really are

To have her guiding their way.

Even though time and space prevent us from hanging out

I enjoy keeping up over facebook and such

You were a big part of my growing up

So thank-you for who you are - Love you so much!

Janna is 4?! What?!

Oh I dunno....

That is the phrase one of my best friends starts with out of the blue when she ‘s had a rough day, or is preparing to share a motherhood-in the trenches- lament.   That is the phrase that came to me as I sit here to blog about the day.

Oh I dunno.... Maybe watching 7 children all day long under the age of 7 was a bit much for the day.  I had one fussy teething baby to soothe, a rebellious toddler to discipline over and over and over again, a 2 year old boy who is potty training, a 3 year old boy who was overtired and not interested in being around people all day, a 4 year old to celebrate, a 5 year old to keep off the roof in the midst of the festivities, and a mature 6 year old to keep entertained in a house of little ones.  Meals, crafts, snacks, games, love, discipline, school work,  clean-up, and getting 7 children settled for naps or quiet times.... I’m pooped.   But it’s worth it.  It is a worthy and wonderful call to mother, and God is teaching me so much during this phase of my life.  This phase so full of daily triumphs and battles.  As I read in a book lately, motherhood is so full of moment to moment transformations day in and out.  Filling hungry bellies, cleaning dirty hands, wiping tear-stained cheeks, washing soiled laundry, tired children to rested ones.... So much work.  So much Joy.  

My little Janna is 4 today!  Four years ago she entered the world around 9 am after the previous night when she interrupted Dave and I in the middle of some marking during the very crunching exam season.  I do believe I was working away at correcting some multiple choice sections of exams, as he tackled the question and essay portions.  Anyways,  I labored through the night and we were all sure she’d be here by 6 am, but then she just kind of chilled until later in the morning until she was ready for her appearance.   I didn’t understand it then, but I know now that she is not a morning person, and 9 am is way more her style than 6 am J

Janna has been very interesting to watch over the years.  She is so different from her sibling, pretty quiet and calm.  She was quite slow to talk, and even then didn’t have so much to say until the past year or so where it feels like she has really come out of her shell and we know her thoughts and ideas more and more each day.

At 4 years old, Janna loves to dress up and enjoys all things beautiful and pink.  Her outfit choices keep us smiling day in and out, and her desire for sparkle, shimmer, and bold patterns seem strangely at odds with her quiet and sweet ways. 

Until 5:30. 

Janna seems to come alive during the supper hour and thereafter.  She will dance and spin and act like a crazy lunatic and giggle with sheer giddiness at things that seemed to bore or annoy her during the daytime.    She loves to spin and roll and flip and frolic during “tea time” which is the time after supper and night chores where Dave and I kick our feet up, drink tea, and watch the kids play.  We all just sort of enjoy each other’s presence for that 30 minutes of the day with no agenda other than to delight in each other’s company over some tea.

Janna always comes over and smells our tea during tea time.  I tend to waffle between mint or green or lemon, and Dave will often do a chai, or some weird fruity herbal one.  She always smells the teas.  She is big into smell.  She loves to smell the pages of the stacks of books she endlessly pores through each day.  She loves to smell the nail polish as I put a fresh (and always pink or purple) coat on her nails for her.  She likes to smell her craft supplies, my hair after a shower, or a new food she is about to try.   She is pretty good with eating just about anything at this point.   She struggles a bit with meat, but she does love her chicken nuggets and fries, which is what she requested for her birthday meal. 

More important than her good appetite, is that we are noticing a real nurturing and empathetic side developing in our little smelling-fashionista these days, that we are very proud of.  Janna is the first one to run to Asher if he is crying and try to soothe him.  She is the first one to jump off her chair and pick up a cookie that Robyn may have dropped before Cooper gets it.   Robyn can be a pretty testy sister, but Janna has started taking her under her wing more and more.  They play their babies together, and Janna will read to Robyn, or simply take her hand and lead her around the house.  Janna has recently started ballet, which she seems to love.  I catch her showing Robyn her positions and certain moves she has been learning, and encouraging Robyn’s rather bold attempts at such graceful moves.   She will often tell Dave and I, “Good JOB!”  for this or that random thing we have done.   

Janna is also developing a real helping spirit. She has not only gotten accustomed to her several morning and nightly chores, but tackles them with a good attitude and often a, “ I love to do my chores, Mommy” Attitude.  She loves to help me in the kitchen, and will eagerly ask what she can to do help get dinner on the table.   Even if it isn’t her favorite task, she tells me she likes to be my helper.  Most days that I tuck her into bed for her nap, I will snuggle in with her for a minute, and she will stroke my face, look into my eyes and say, “ You beautiful mom.”  She is a real encourager.

And sometimes, a mom needs some encouragement in the middle of a wild day, or at the end of one (like today let’s say)  and Janna certainly blesses me with her sweet spirit and genuine words day in and out.   I really look forward to what year 4 holds her and am thrilled to be her mom.  Happy Birthday little lady. We love you.

My normal self arrived just in time for Christmas and the New year

Well, I have finished my “fourth trimester” as some women refer to it, and officially feel like my old self again.  The three months following the birth of a baby are filled with sleep deprivation, hormonal surges, emotional outbreaks, and bodily recuperation.  It is really a trying time in itself, and I am pretty happy 2014 has passed, and 2015 is here!

I knew I must be back to my full and former Chrissy when I suggested to Dave on boxing day we pack up the family, drive through the night, and surprise our families back East with a 3 day visit.  You see, it was in our plans LAST YEAR to head home for this Christmas, as it had been 3 since we’d been home.   But, a lot of stuff happened!   We had many unexpected expenses arise, a new baby, and the thought of travelling in storms or with sick kids (as is inevitable in December) was just too much potential stress to deal with. 

So, we had a lovely Christmas here!  The kids were so happy but relaxed, and I had done most of all the baking and cooking the days before, so all I had to do was cook the turkey, ham, and do a gravy the day of.   We didn’t have a ton of presents under the tree.   Between the grandparents, Santa, and us, there were maybe 6 or 7 for each person, and it was nice that way.  We took our time doing one at a time, and it took maybe an hour from start to finish.  The kids spent the afternoon poring over some new books, playing with some new toys, and proudly wearing new shoes and hoodies.  We were able to get in touch with most of our families, and that was nice.   The kids ate dinner happily and we all just really enjoyed each other.

So, boxing day arrived, and there was nothing to do really! The house was clean, the fridge stocked for leftovers for a week, and no real plans on the calendar.  I checked the weather and saw that it was supposed to be mild, dry and sunny for the next week ahead.  Everyone was healthy.  Asher had been sleeping 10 hour nights, which meant we would not have to stop for feeding,   and the gas prices were SO freakin’ LOW!  While I showered I considered the idea and I just felt like we should make the trip since everything that had been deterring us before, was non- existent.  Oh! And we were given cash from a few people for Christmas, which would cover the gas expense.    Dave and I conferenced while I was putting on my make-up,  and by 10 decided we would do it.  He would take the day to do some marking while there wouldn’t be as much time when we were away.  I would pack up the van, and we would leave at supper.  It was a BUSY REST of the day, let me tell you!  It didn’t help that I had 5 loads of laundry backed up.  I managed to pack everything for everyone in just one suitcase.  But then you need the portacribs, booster seats, diapering bags, and I packed up ALL the leftovers from the fridge to take with us.  Somehow, we hit the road at 6:15, grabbed a coffee and were off!

The kids were truly amazing.  We drove 5 hours straight, and then stopped for gas, a pee break, more coffee.  It was just a 15 minute stop, and I woke up Asher from a deep sleep, made him feed a bit in the back seat while we were stopped, and then we hit the road again straight to Fredericton, which is another 5 hours.  We arrived at 6:15am, and snuck up to the back-door of Dave’s parents.  We could see Rob, (Dave’s dad) awake inside just sitting on a big cosy chair while the rest of the house slept.  We knocked on the door, and he eerily looked up, and crept towards it with the most puzzled look on his face.  He slowly opened the door and sort of jumped back and said, “ HI?!”  It was like he was wondering if he was supposed to know we were coming.  Wondering if he had missed a memo.  We sent the kids upstairs who woke Nana up from her sleep.  She was truly surprised!  Dave’s Nannie was upstairs, too, and we had let her in on the secret because we wanted to make sure we got some time to visit with her and Papa before they left later that day.   It was such a fun thing to do!  

The next 3 days were pretty relaxing.  We spent supper, evenings, night, and breakfast time at my mom’s place, and then would head over to the Vances for the later morning, lunch, and afternoon.   The kids really enjoyed the change of pace, as did Dave and I.  It was a pretty long trip home, especially with Jesse who had just come down with strep throat, and Janna who overindulged in dairy over the trip and had explosive bowel movements.  But, it was SO worth the trip.

As I said, something my pregnant self just wouldn’t do.  But, I’m feeling really good these days.  Asher has hit a normal sleep schedule since a week or so before Christmas where he goes to bed with the other kids around 7. And he doesn’t need soothed to sleep any more.  Just changed, fed, and he puts himself to sleep from wide awake without any fuss.   It makes a world of difference in having the evenings to catch up on housework, hang out with Dave a bit, and get an hour to read a book or have a bath or something before bed!  ONE solid hour of downtime a day is really, truly, a beautiful and wonderful gift when you have a pile of kids!

It’s my Christmas gift from Asher, I think to myself.  What is crazy is that last Christmas another child so soon was not even ON the radar.  But, it’s funny how quickly God can change your mind about things.  Last year, my new year held nausea, sick kids, and exhaustion.  This one feels so hopeful! I have of course made a pile of new years goals.  Actually, just 5.  Plus I am doing this fun de cluttering challenge, where you spend 15 minutes a day tackling an area to organize/de clutter of your house for the whole year.  I love the idea of de cluttering, but any tools I have found have just been too overwhelming.    But, I can absolutely commit 15 minutes a day to this for the year.  My area today was kitchen utensil drawers.  I tossed about 15 extra teaspoon measures, and 3 extra potato peelers, and broken tongs, and spatulas, and so much stuff I never use.  It was rejuvenating! And now I have neat and tidy utensil and cutlery drawers.  I am super excited for “spice” day.  Really, there is one day to de-clutter your spices.  I don’t know about you, but my spices really need some de-cluttering.  Ha ha ha...

So, back to talking about my down time.  With this one hour of down time, I do plan on blogging Asher’s birth story soon!  It is on my to-do list for January.  I feel ready and far enough removed from the situation to do it, just need to find the right time.  So, stay tuned for that one.   Thanks for reading! I’m out. 

My Day. Mood Hair. or Hair Moods?

I had plans to do a blog tonight with Asher’s birth story.  Wee Ash has been starting to hit an earlier bedtime all on his own this week, and it’s left me with a few minutes to myself most evenings thus far.  It’s a strange feeling, but a good one.   Of course, the night I actually planned to write a blog, is the night he is up a bit later, and I feel kinda crappy.  I don’t want to post about the birth of my beautiful fourth babe in a negative light, so again, I will save it for a happier day.

Today was a long day.  Dave is pulling a 14 hour day at the school with a year end banquet he has to MC and do a bunch of stuff at.   There is something about 5:00.  I hit this wall.  I feel like I can handle things pretty well during the day, but I eagerly await Dave’s return home from work.   He brings a joyful energy into the house (most days-lol) and I tend to just defer all child arguments and questions and family decisions over to him at that point of the day.  It’s nice to just kind of let go of the reins I have been frantically trying to hold onto all day, and let him be the leader for a while, and just enjoy the fam.  

Anyways, today was a full day flying solo.  Robyn was being a bit of a bully to Janna.  Jesse was endless with his questions and requests, Janna was a bit extra pouty, and the baby a bit extra cryish. ( I like to make up words.  It’s genetic.  My mom has the same problem, except that she believes hers are real) I had lots of housework to do, lots of homeschooling to get in before the break, and the girls needed constant mediating.  Often I let them try and work it out, but it was a bit scary today as Robyn hasn’t napped in a few days, which leads her to this place of angry rage, where I sometimes DO THINK she might just smoke Janna across the face and push her down the stairs.  I got bit by the overtired Robyn yesterday, and it was only after making her put some pants on.    I am also trying to teach Janna to stand up for herself a bit more, so that is all a very stressful scenario among a crying baby and a 5 year old boy asking something every 6 seconds, “ can I bake? Can I color? Can I go plant a fruit seed? Can I get married? Can I .. Can I...”  He is such an eager learning sponge that I do not wish to squelch- only fill, but it can feel a tad overwhelming by times.

I knew I’d be battling the urge to freak out or scowl or mope or whatever, and while I put up a good fight, I feel like I failed today.  Like, I raised my voice a few too many times, like I showed my annoyance at Janna’s wimp-strength, like I disregarded some of Jesse’s questions, etc.  Ugh.  I felt angry by 6, and just put everyone to bed early.  After a good email rant to Dave, and a hot bath with a lovely mango sugar scrub (thank- you Katie S), I am feeling more even keeled.  I snuck into the sleeping kids rooms and gave them a kiss and told them I was sorry and would not be such a  grouch tomorrow.   I am so thankful God made DAY and NIGHT.  I am so thankful for this divide of rest and rejuvenation.  I am thankful for Grace. 

So, while I was soaking in the tub, I had this strange realization, and this is really what I want to blog about.  It’s kinda dumb.  But, I realized that I am FRANTIC lately to have my hair done a certain way.  Like, not that it needs to be nice, I refuse to spend more than 2 minutes on my hair.  But, I just get panicked all of a sudden with this urging overwhelming NEED to have it a certain way.  If you could hear in my brain it would sound like  “ BUN! SLICK BUN!  I NEED A SLICK BUN!  I NEED A SLICK BUN NOW!!!”  or “ BRAIDS. I NEED BRAIDS.  I NEED DOUBLE BRAIDS NOW!”  And then I really do drop whatever I am doing to attack the hairstyle I need.  AND LORD HELP ME, if I can’t find an elastic.  FOR REAL.   I have been this way for a few months now, and I always just thought that since my hair is getting longer it’s a bit more in the way, a bit more weighty, and I want it out of my face.  But, I have these feelings with wanting my hair down as well.  So, today, it hit me in the bath, that my mood totally affects how I want my hair.  So, here I sit and blog about my hair moods.  I know, deep, eh?

DETERMINED MAMA=SLICK TOP OF THE HEAD BUN

When I am feeling like I have a lot of work to do or wake up feeling super rested and like I want to tackle a bunch of extra chores or tasks, my go-to is the slicked back top of the head bun.  It’s like, POWER HAIR!  It’s out of your face, it no fuss, it is tall and I’m sure intimidating whatever task lies ahead.

RELAXED MAMA= DOUBLE BRAIDS

When I have had a good sleep, or am just having a great day with the kids with minimal work to do, I want the double braids.  They keep the hair maneagable, but look decent and as I am feeling, RELAXED!

STRESSED MAMA= MESSY BUN

Just get the freakin’ hair out of my face! I don’t care what it looks like, just get it back there!

DEPRESSED MAMA= Low pony. 

I’m just so tired, I can’t lift my arms too high to do this hair... I’m also losing hope on what I look like.... When can I go to bed???

HOPEFUL MAMA= Hair Down

Surely I won’t get any gross body fluids in my hair today (that is always wrong by the way)  Maybe I’ll get 7 minutes to talk to Dave interrupted and I’ll flick my hair a bit flirty like.

Does anyone else have mood-dos? I would love to hear about them. Anyways, 9:00 has arrived and so I must be signing off of this rather scattered blog.  I just realized my hair is half-pulled back, then is joined to a braid down the side.  It’s kind of scattered.  I don’t do this one too often.  I think it must be my scattered mama-do.  Off for some sleeeeeeep.  Thanks for reading! I’m out. 

Baby: Check! Wedding: Check! And Robyn Turns two!

It’s been a couple months since my last post.  The safe arrival of sweet little Asher, has really thrown things into a bit of a spin, but I’m into more of a groove now, and have a few minutes tonight.  I have full intentions of cranking out a blog with my labor story.  I just need to give it a bit more time.  It was a super hard and painful labor in many ways, and my brain needs to forget a bit of it, or I fear I will color the day of his birth horribly!  In fact, I have sat down a few times to blog about it, and the titles have been things like:

Why you should NEVER have kids- consider adoption!

When your 4^th baby and your cervix don’t cooperate...

Humiliation and Hosptials...

Asher: FOURTH AND FINAL!

I HATE PREGNANCY AND LABOR....don’t do it!

Anyways, the important thing is that he arrived safely and is healthy.  I feel like in another few months or so, once I’m averaging a bit more than 5 hours of sleep per night, I will be able to present the facts truthfully, but a bit brighter.   Also, I owe a poem to a beautiful lady, named Natasha, who guessed the correct date of Asher’s arrival.  I haven’t forgotten, and that will be included as well J

So, Asher is here, and we all just LOVE HIM!!!  He is a very chill, patient, and sweet little fellow.  The kids can’t get close enough to him, and I pray for his safety every day.  Robyn hit a bit of an angry rage for the week, or so, following his birth, but it was directed at me, not Asher.  She thinks he’s the best.  The nice thing about having kids under 2 years apart, is that it only takes them a couple of weeks to forget the way things were before.  A few weeks later, she acts as if he’s always been here.

I had 3 weeks off from taking extra kids after Asher’s birth.  While Dave only had a few days off, I had so many offers of help.  Friends stayed over, people popped by to watch the olders so I could grab a nap or focus on Jesse’s homeschooling, my mom-in-law came and tackled laundry for a week, and we’ve had several meals dropped off.   WE even had old friends visiting Ottawa with their 4 kids under 5, take three of ours for fun mornings out one week so I could get some rest.   SLEEP is a huge gift right now, so people coming by to watch the kids has been amazing.  Also, food has been really helpful as making and cleaning up from supper is a pretty big dent in the day.  My doctor always asks about my support network after each baby knowing we don’t have much family in the area, and I always feel so thankful for the church and friends, who make these wild transitions much smoother. 

    Even though I’ve done this “new baby” thing a bunch of times, it still feels like a weighty transition each time.  Not nearly as big as the FIRST, but unique and with it’s own set of challenges.    Right now, with daycare back on the go, and a wild 2 year old, and homeschooling, I have a whole new set of waters to navigate.   The big challenges have been getting in enough uninterrupted schooling time with Jesse, and simply finding the time to latch the baby, feed, and get him back to sleep.  He often gets fed as I’m walking around, and sleeps in the sling.  I’m looking forward to when he settles into a schedule around the 3 or 4 month mark, and so I can plan our day around him a bit better.

There are definite advantages though, in him being number 4.  The learning curve is much milder.  For example, I have learned over the course of babies how to get a fussing overtired baby into a coma with a quick bath and massage. NO FAIL, everytime.  I have learned that at 6 weeks, babies have a fussy peak because their mucus makers kick in, resulting in a stuffy snotting nose.  Mostly, though,  they are not able to produce their own melatonin yet (as they are still going on what they have absorbed from momma’s placenta)  Melatonin is not just responsible for sleep, but has a relaxing effect on the gut... so around 6 weeks as mom’s melatonin wears off, and they are just beginning to produce their own, babies struggle to fall and stay asleep.   They are gassier and  have worse tummy pains.   I KNEW this was coming, and sure enough, the day before Asher turned 6 weeks, his nose started snotting, and he has given me a run for my money this week fussing, pooping, and getting him to bed at night.

But, having done it all before, I know what it’s about, and I can RELAX knowing it will pass.  Cause I’ve seen it 3 times before, and seen it pass.  That is the biggest thing I’m finding with this baby, is that I really grasp how fleeting it all is, and so I’m less stressed in the moment, and able to go with the flow better.   So, as mentioned, this week has been a bit challenging with Asher’s gas pains and struggles to get to bed for the night.   While some mom’s prefer the portability of this age and stage, I look forward to Asher getting into a routine.  Especially one that includes a regular and earlier bedtime.  I usually feel pretty done by 7:00 after a day filled with piles of kids, play, chores, schooling, and cleaning.  Dave has to hit the books and marking in the evenings, and so bobbing the baby around for a few MORE hours feels quite exhausting as I’m at the end of my rope, and have no idea what the night may hold. 

So, ya!  Asher came and things have been good and tiring, and a bit wild.  The other big thing that has kept us all bopping is Katie’s wedding!  Dave’s sister was engaged this summer and both Dave and I were honored  to be asked to be in the bridal party.  Jesse and Janna were also asked to fill the very important role of flower girl and  “ring bear” as Jesse called it.  It was a short engagement, and I felt panicked to learn they would be married at the start of November.  Not that a fantastic celebration couldn’t be pulled off in just 3 months.  But, apprehensive about when the baby would come and how it would affect trying to be available to Katie for a full day,  on top of organizing the rest of the family the day of the event.

Well, we had our hands full, to say the least.  Not only did we have to organize all the kids, breastfeed a baby on and off all day, walk down the aisle, give speeches, and rock a dance floor.  But, our home became the HUB of activity for guests coming and going for the weekend.  We ended up being the place for  flower drop off, bridal party preparations and pictures, a few meals,  and we even ended up being the driver for the bride and bridesmaids with all their stuff from place to place.  This meant  a pile of cleaning of house and van, and trying to keep it tidy amidst the wee ones.  We were SO THANKFUL for the wonderful Tamara and Sarah Guindon team, who helped clean the house from top to bottom, and hang out the day of the wedding transporting and watching kids, and being a second and third pair of arms. Seriously, we couldn’t have done it without these two!

   

The day went pretty smoothly.  I had a minute by minute schedule posted for our family,  starting at  6:30AM, and came to close around midnight.  This included what needed to get done, who had to go where, bringing what,  and what car seats to transport where over the course of the day.  Oh car seats!  They needed to be moved from vehicle to vehicle all day.  Thankfully no children were lost during the course of the day.  I call that a success in itself.   We did end up forgetting Katie’s backpack and Dave’s guitar and case at the church, but those were rescued.  What did get LOST for good, though, was my poor 5 year old baby bag- that has journeyed far and wide with me with all the kids.  I left it tucked into the coat rack at the reception, but the hotel couldn’t find it when I inquired the next day.  Luckily it didn’t have my cell, wallet, or the kids health cards as it usually does.  I had those in a different bag.  But, some brand new soothers and bottles, outfits, diapers, blankets,  and wipes took the hit.  I hope somebody stole it who really needed it!  LOL.

The kids did great with their jobs during the ceremony, and trying to suck up the cold weather for outdoor pictures.   The one hour that was planned for outdoor bridal party pictures from 2:15-3:15, was OF COURSE, the one hour the sky decided to whip down a wet heavy snow.  And it was the first day in Ottawa that the temps have been below zero in the afternoon.   Poor trooper Katie was frozen by the end of it, as she and Dan had much longer pictures to do.  However, they will be REALLY gorgeous shots, I know!  I can’t wait to see them.  The overcast sky, and snow will make for a great backdrop.   Asher and Robyn behaved VERY well for the babysitters before hand, during the ceremony and for family pictures afterwards, and the 3 older kids happily konked out back home afterwards with a babysitter.  Asher came with us to the reception and dance, and also passed out in the sling.  I was so happy he only needed to feed once, slept through my speech, and EVEN slept through some blaring music and movement, so I could get some fun time on the dance floor.

So, things went down well!  Katie and Dan were gorgeous, and threw one STUNNING and FUN wedding for such a short time period to plan.  I keep thinking about their wedding buffet.... It was SO yummy.  They were very relaxed and so joyful.  I felt so happy for them all day and night, and teared up watching their first dance together.   It was also wonderful to make some memories with extended family we don’t see often, like Dave’s grandparents who travelled in from Nova Scotia, and Aunt and Uncle and Cousin who came up from Maine.   We had a brunch here the next morning after all the excitement, and it was so great to catch up and relax together. 

So, baby and then wedding has  really been the farthest thing in the horizon for me.  I feel like a huge load is off this week, and have been enjoying the kids more with far less “TO DO’s” on the daily list.  The last wee event that happens tomorrow is Robyn’s birthday celebration.  We are just having a small family thing with pizza and cake, and will put up some streamers.  Her real birthday is today, but Dave has parent teacher interviews all afternoon and late into the evening, so we will celebrate tomorrow.

So, Robyn is 2 today!  I can’t even believe it.  She was by far my easiest and calmest little baby, but has turned into the most challenging, outgoing, and hammiest 2 year old.  We love her to pieces!  Last night Asher was up from 2-4:30 nursing, almost falling asleep, then pooping (repeat 6 times) and so I made a little list of what I can say about Robyn at 2 years old.  I like having an Iphone for these long middle of the night stretches.   I usually don’t pull out my phone right away.  I will enjoy the nursing, snuggles, and rocking, and take some time to pray during it for the first 30 minutes or so.  But, if it’s gonna be a long haul, I enjoy having a little hand held device that allows to me make some notes, send an email, check in with friends and family on social media, read a book, whatever!   So, here are some thoughts I jotted down at 2 am....

Robyn at 2 is a little charmer.  She beams at people with a mischievous smile with her chin tucked in and eyes fluttering.  She is quick to bring anyone a book and climb onto their lap.  She is friendly, and likes new people (the longer their hair the better)   She gets scolded often, and tries to get out of it with the cutest smile and snuggle she can muster.   She is quick to giggle and laugh, give a hug and kiss.

She is into everything.  She is artistic and loves to paint, color, do stickers, play in glue, etc.  She doesn’t mind getting dirty, and loved the pumpkin guts(unlike our other kids).   She has gotten into her diaper and played with her poop probably 20 times in the past month.  We have finally found a strategy that seems to have halted this:  a onesie zip up sleeper with a snap put on backwards.   She enjoys scooping water out of the toilet to feed her dolls and often finishes off what they can’t.   Another favorite snack of Robyn’s is toothpaste.  She loves to sneak into the bathroom, scale up the little knobs on the tall counter to get into the toothpaste and eat as much of it as she can, before she is found out.

She is a bit rough and tumble.  She likes to scale and climb things, and has no fear. She loves to wrestle with her daddy, and very rarely cries over a bonk or smoosh.  She also likes to wrestle with her siblings, much to Jesse’s JOY, and Janna’s dismay.   She also likes to cuddle.  We love getting her up in the morning as she is always full of smiles and hugs.  Again, Jesse seems to love this, and they are often found cuddling together during their daily show time.  Janna, on the other hand can often be heard shouting, “ NO RAW-MIN!!”  And I will find Robyn trying to sit on Janna’s head, lying on top of her hugging with all her might, or perhaps stealing her blanket to get cozy with her.  Doesn’t usually phase Robyn.  She often thrives off stirring the pot and making things lively.  It can be a struggle to get her to take you seriously.

She is also a bit girly at the same time.  She likes to wear shoes, and frilly layers, put bows in her hair, and take care of her dollies and pretend cook in the kitchen.  You will often find her at playtime tucking in her babies, or feeding them in a high chair, or making pretend food in her play kitchen.  She almost always carries around her stuffed bear and a little board book with her.  In fact, some days it goes with her EVERYWHERE for every second of the day.

She can focus really well at independent play for being so young, and uses her imagination well.  She is able to sit and read books with a grown up- or look at pictures on her own for a long time.  She loves music, and tries her best to sing new songs.  She sings up a storm at her naptime as she falls asleep, and usually wakes up singing.  Her favorite song is still twinkle twinkle little star, but also enjoys when I sing in French to her.  She is the first to hit the dance floor when we put on music, and can keep a beat and shake it pretty well.  

She is strong willed and stubborn.  We are working hard at showing her who is the boss without crushing her spirit.  We remind ourselves of how good this will be in the future, and I often think of who she will BECOME because of this, and try not to focus on how it presents itself in her 2 year old self.  Read: tantrums, screaming, grabbing, and pushing.  She has a rage that POPS out so quickly, but quickly simmers back down with a little tickle or pep talk.

She isn’t as much of a talker as Jesse is, but not as quiet as Janna.  She talks and sings to herself for large parts if the day.  She can say tons of things, and often speaks in sentences these days, but pronounces the ends of words and mumbles mostly, so is hard to understand.  This morning she came to me, “ Oh Ike It en  Esse Itting”   That would be translated,” I don’t like it when Jesse’s hitting.”  She loves baby Asher, and makes sure he gets at least 20 hugs and kisses per day.  She also likes to give (throw) books and toys to him to cheer him up if he is fussing. 

She is a just a super fun girl.  She loves to be part of the action, and play play play.  She likes the outdoors, and taking trips with Daddy.  She gives the best greetings when Dave gets home from work.  You’ll hear, “ DADDY DADDY DADDY DADDY” at the top of her lungs and the fastest little pitter patter of feet as she runs to hug him an giggle.  She is just so full of life and love!  So, Happy Birthday little Missy.  We love you. 

That's about the end of this massive update.  Asher is needing a “milk snack” as Janna calls it!  And then we should carry on with our day.  Thanks for reading.  I’m out!

Some theories on what feels like a never ending early labor.....

Well, here I sit another week later without a new baby.  Twelve days until my official due date.  It feels so far away with my body feeling like it’s ready to go.  I had an OB appointment on Wednesday and was happy to hear of the progress of things after an assessment.  Baby super low, cervix softening, 2-3 cms dilated, and measuring almost 40 weeks for size.   It would seem that my body is prepared and ready....but perhaps the baby is not. 

Actually, I have been working on a theory that there must be 3 factors in line for labor to begin.  My body must be ready, my baby must be ready, and I must be ready.  I feel like last week, my body and baby were ready to go, but I wasn’t super prepared or ready, and that threw things right off.   Currently,   I feel like my body is good to go!  But, I feel like the baby and I are at odds with the timing of this.   You see, for the past few nights, I have been trying several random natural induction things.  The problem is, that these are all much easier to do consistently when the kids go down for the night.   It’s hard to escape the kids to pump on and off for good chunks of the day.  I feel nervous about going for a long hard walk with all of them in the event I did bust.... SO, I have been experimenting in the evenings, but then realizing I am totally exhausted and have NO DESIRE to go into labor through the night again!

Janna and Robyn were both “through the night” labors, and it was just so depressing and exhausting compared to Jesse.  With Jesse, we woke up fresh and rested and were checked into a sunny hospital room by 11 am, and along came he at 4pm.  It was so much nicer and easier than arriving at the hospital when it’s dark and quiet and everyone on their shifts seems exhausted, and YOU have this tremendous amount of work to do on no sleep.    I really want a daytime labor this time around.  Pretty please.... 

So, in the evenings as I have some time to try and get the contractions rolling (Which doesn’t take too much in the evenings),  I literally have been STOPPING mid tracks and jumping into bed to get some rest.   Last night, I put in about 30 minutes on an exercise ball, and felt some crazy “motion in my ocean” in the words of a friend.   I then realized it was 9:00, and I was pooped from the day, and I really didn’t WANT to spend the next several hours walking or bouncing.  And so, I just abruptly put it away and went to bed.  I always hope that I’ll wake up early in the morning and things will kick-start, but I think my baby is more of a night owl, and wants to appear then!

This little bean has a party every night from about 10-midnight.  I really feel like he/she is trying to flip over breach every night, and I spend the first couple of hours of the night taking deep breaths with the discomfort of crazy movements and some contractions that hit with all the movement.   I finally fall asleep, and then have been waking up magically at 4 am each morning feeling queasy and hungry, and anxious....  and unable to fall back asleep.  Once the day officially starts with the kids, I am just so wiped, that I have no desire or energy to head out for that walk or try and get things rolling.  And when I do have the urge and time, contractions are just not starting up during the day time so much!

Perhaps I just need a good sleep and a weekend where Dave can watch the kids, and I can focus on encouraging this baby to agree that the day time is totally ok.  OR.... Maybe I need to just cave and go with a night time labor??

All of this, obviously, seems a bit much.  The last few weeks of pregnancy really does make you crazy!  Truly.

I do have a much more sane and obvious answer to all my bodily action and no baby.  And the answer is my toe nail polish color has NOT been right.  You see, I have been sporting  a bright yellow nail polish color for almost a month now.  Not knowing the gender, I thought yellow seemed like an appropriate color to sport.  However, with Jesse, it was blue, and the girls got pink.  Perhaps this baby is NOT satisfied with such a gender neutral welcoming color!      So, today, with MUCH effort, I switched to a nice soft and shimmery purple.  Perhaps this will work if it’s a girl in there!    If I still have no baby in a week, I’ll switch to a blue or green I think.

I am slowly going crazy.......

Well, I am off to catch the end of the kids naps.  A friend swung by this morning to watch the kids and     sent me for a bath and nap and to relax for a couple of hours.  True friendship I tell you, those who come over and send you to bed when you REALLY need it!  Actually, I have had a few reprieves like that this week, and it’s been AMAZINGLY helpful with my 4 hours of sleep most nights, and preserving my sanity with the kids.  Who, really, are great kids...but busy and talkative, and just don’t understand that climbing on my stomach REALLY hurts at this point, and every spill they make and squat I have to take feels mildly torturous.   And asking me a hundred times each day if the baby can come today, doesn’t REALLY help move anything along.   SO, I have REALLY appreciated all the END- OF- PREGNANCY- FEEL- LIKE- I- COULD- BLOW –ANY- SECOND help.

With that, I am off to catch a few more zzzz’s.....Thanks for reading! I’m out.